There's a fine moment in the first Star Wars movie where Darth Vader tells a subordinate "I find your lack of faith disturbing" and proceeds to choke the unlucky fellow with his dark Sith choke-power. Keeping that in mind:
What do we do if the Vikings lose today?
Not to overuse the word "choke," but, well, it's the Vikes, and when the Super Bowl looms some sort of ancestral curse unmans them. Possible reactions:
Blame Favre. I know he's the most beloved figure in the history of the Vikings, and also Eurasia is at war with Oceania and has always been at war with Oceania. But if Brett throws 12 interceptions, passes for two yards total, ends the game by running in the wrong direction, spiking the ball in the enemy's end zone, ripping off his jersey to reveal a Packer uniform, then dons a jetpack and shoots up through the roof of the Dome laughing MY WORK HERE IS DONE, I think it's fair to say we were had.
Blame the Dome. It's possible it was built on an Indian burial ground, and is cursed. The only way we can prove it? Tear it down and dig. Of course, then we'll have to build a new stadium. This may require knocking down the Star Tribune building. All we ask is advance notice. Three days is fine.
A Rampage. For some reason people go on rampages when their team wins, as though a victory by hired out-of-state muscled-up guys wearing the right color shirts gives you license to turn over cars. Minnesotans are more sedate; when we last won the World Series, I think people went around in screaming packs topping off people's windshield wiper fluid reservoirs. But maybe this time the loss will be so crushing that Minnesotans will do something really out of character, like cross against the light when leaving the Dome.
That's all if we lose. Which we won't. Unless our wide receivers decide to close their eyes and use the Force.
jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More daily at www.startribune.com/buzz
