Week 16 picks: Gifts for the truly needy

If you throw out the traffic, the people, the debt, the weight gain, the NFC West and the 2010 Vikings, it's been a pretty joyous season all in all.

So Merry Christmas to all. Except Randy Moss, who already got his lump of coal from Old St. Bill two months ago.

This is a day to set aside all differences, unless your punter just kicked a line drive to DeSean Jackson with the score tied and time running out. Then, by all means, go Grinch on him.

Finding gifts this year for people in the NFL has been difficult. I mean what in the world does a working schlub get a billionaire? Other than a publicly-financed, brand new, $800 million stadium, of course.

We searched so hard for the perfect gifts. So hard that we actually found flying reindeers, talking snowmen and Brady Quinn. The latter was throwing bounce passes to Moss in the WPFL (Witness Protection Football League).

Here are this week's presents and picks:

DAL -7 at ARI: Cowboys by 8 To the Cardinals, we give patience, Matt Leinart and a time machine to go back to the day they cut Matt Leinart.

WAS +7 at JAX: Jaguars by 3 To Mike Shanahan, we give enough job security to overcome the hatred of 53 players. P.S.: This is a perishable gift.

SF +2 1/2 at STL: Rams by 3 To Mike Singletary, we give a head start on finding a job in the UFL.

SEA +6 1/2 at TB: Buccaneers by 3 To Pete Carroll, we give the NFC West, where you can outrun the NCAA, lose six of eight games (including the past two by an average of 32 points) and still be playing for a division title and a home playoff game.

NE -7 1/2 at BUF: Patriots by 7 To Randy Moss, we give the NFL Ticket package so that he can watch the Patriots improve to 10-1 without him.

BAL -3 1/2 at CLE: Browns by 3 To Cleveland, we give the Browns beating the Ravens on Sunday and, more importantly, Kobe beating LeBron on Saturday.

NYG +3 at GB: Packers by 3 To Matt Dodge and Tom Coughlin, you bickered so well last week, we can't help but pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the NFC East goodbye.

TEN +5 at KC: Chiefs by 7 To the Chiefs, we offer petite TCF Bank Stadium if something collapses and/or ticket sales don't pick up.

IND -3 at OAK: Colts by 7 To the Colts, there wasn't time to fire Jack Del Rio in Jacksonville and hire him in Oakland. So you'll have to win this one on your own.

HOU -2 1/2 at DEN: Texans by 7 To Eric Studesville, we'd like to give something that will make us want to find out who the heck Eric Studesville is.

SD -7 1/2 at CIN: Chargers by 6 To Philip Rivers, we give Marvin Lewis, reigning AFC North Division champion and prime candidate to take a seat on the beach next to the unemployed 2009 NFC North Division champion (Brad Childress).

UPSET SPECIAL

DET + 3 1/2 at MIA: Lions 23, Dolphins 20 To the Lions, we give enough bubble wrap to get Matthew Stafford through the 2011 season.

THE TROPHY CASE

• Last week's upset special: Saints 31, Ravens 24

• Actual score: Ravens 30, Saints 24

• Last week's record; vs. spread: 6-9; 4-11