The Vikings have accused Wells Fargo of “photo bombing” the new U.S. Bank Stadium with big glowing signs. Apparently the fact that Wells Fargo built two Wells Fargo buildings by the stadium, and these Wells Fargo structures will be occupied by Wells Fargo with signs that say Wells Fargo — well, no one saw that coming.
So they’re worried that the logo of a competing financial institution will show up in pictures of the stadium.
This makes perfect sense. Stadium names have a strange power. When I see that a game is being played at Staples Center, I have to be physically restrained lest I leave the house to purchase office supplies. If you see U.S. BANK on the side of a stadium, your brain is flooded with chemicals that tell you to move all your money into that financial institution during halftime. You see numbered men crashing into each other to advance possession of a brown object, and consider a home-equity loan.
If you see the name of a competing bank, you are torn: But — but — both logos are appearing in close proximity to Football! How ever can I choose?
Something has to be done. Suggestions:
1. On game day, people who get their water from WELLS must sit on one side of the stadium. People who are from FARGO, have driven through Fargo, have seen the TV series and/or movie “Fargo” will sit on the other. They will not be allowed to mingle, lest the words WELLS FARGO exist together. If they are driving home together after the game, they must be 2 miles away before speaking to each other.
2. On game day, Marquette Avenue will be renamed Generic Thoroughfare. Marquette was once the name of a local bank. Also, black sheets shall be draped over the letters TCF, lest anyone think they stand for Twin Cities Football.
3. Finally, the immediate area must be digitally altered during TV broadcasts so it does not reflect reality. Use computers so the bank’s name is WALLS FERGO. And if the photo-bombing company wants to alter pictures of their HQ, so the stadium is named U.S. BUNK?