We all know there will be a new Vikes stadium. Possibly in Los Angeles. Now that we've seen what a joy the new Target Field can be, folks might be in the mood to set 'em up and have another round, so there's another Vikings stadium proposal on the table. First, let us review previous proposals:
The state pays for the whole thing, including land and construction, but the team has to agree they'll take care of the restrooms. Reason for failure: Team balked at paying for high-quality Scott tissue, insisting generic rolls from Costco would be good enough.
The team builds the stadium by itself, tax-free, and keeps all the revenue. Reason for failure: Both sides couldn't stop laughing.
A public-private partnership captures Lucky the Leprechaun and finds out where he keeps his gold. Reason for failure: Little jerk doesn't have anything but stupid marshmallows -- which, while magically delicious, are not easily converted into currency.
The new proposal, floated by guber-hopeful Tom Horner, would have the team pay 40 percent and levy a tax on the tickets -- on top of the other taxes, presumably, like the "shiny foil rectangle" tax and the controversial ticket-tax ticket-tax. The Vikes say they like the proposal, except they don't want to pay 40 percent, and they don't like the tax. This is called "a good starting point." The proposal also adds a penny to every drink sold in Minnesota, on the theory that people up in Warroad are currently sitting around bars, looking at their drinks with disgust, wondering why their beers can't help pay for an enormous playground in the Metro. You there! Beer! Do something!
But we must do something, lest this team, which is so proud to be part of our culture and so dedicated to the community, leaves. I still like the idea of dedicated slot machines to pay for the stadium, each in the shape of Brett Favre. Pull his arm, he says, OUCH, and then you lose. Sort of like the end of last season.
jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More daily at www.startribune.com/blogs/lileks.
