Is there a problem with baby carrots? Of course not, you might think. Ha! Shows what you know. You'll never get anywhere in the worrywort biz, pal. Here: learn from a master.

Hmm. At least he pulled it back a bit, and said the problem wasn't terribly grave. Let's skip down to the section with the subhead "A Too Perfect Snack."

You feel bad for the reporter, who probably turned in a perfectly good piece and had the editor send it back: find me an expert. And so we get to the end:

On behalf of all Americans, let me just say this: The disconnect is hereby absolved. You now have some mental space freed up to worry about something else.

POW This week marks the 50th anniversary of ABC's "Batman" premier. It was enjoyed by adults who saw it as a comedy, and children who thought it was serious. Someone put all the fight-scene words in alphabetical order. I'd put it here, but someone did a lot of work and deserves the traffic, so: LINK. Some of them stick out: Bang-eth? Crunch-eth? Clank-est? Whack-eth? Wham-eth? Had to be some Olde English villain. But who? The list of Batman adversaries is here - see which one you think gets the -eths. There are two choices. I'm going with Norton.