Test your gift-giving personality

Several years ago I was certified as someone who could help others make sense of their Myers-Briggs "personality type" scores and develop an appreciation of different personalities' strengths. The idea behind the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is an admirable one — understand your own preferred ways of communicating, learning and working, and realize that other people have different, though comprehensible, ways of doing the same things.

I think it's time to develop a Myers-Briggs equivalent for gift-giving. Around this time of year, I am always struck by the different attitudes about gift-giving and -receiving among those closest to me.

Here is how I think about gift-giving. You begin by paying attention to the people you care about. You see what's missing from their wardrobes or their bookshelves or their kitchens. You listen to the little hints in their conversation about what they might like if they had extra money. Then the next time a birthday or holiday comes around, you show up with the exact missing thing that will delight them.

Now, the only problem with this is that the gift recipient may not think her kitchen or wardrobe lacks anything at all. Those hints may be misunderstood. The wonderful pair of patterned magenta SmartWool socks you buy your best friend may be exactly the ones she decided she would never wear in public.

All right. This insight makes me determined to listen more astutely, pay even more attention.

What's harder to deal with is that I hear from the people I live with that they don't like this approach to gift-giving one bit. They believe in lists. They've figured out a surefire way to avoid getting things they do not want, that do not fit or that seem intended for aliens.

Plus, they have now found Amazon. Getting precisely what they want is only a matter of assembling an online list with the mega-retailer, alerting me to the appropriate link and voilà, all is arranged.

Bah, humbug! Where's the fun in this? No mystery, no challenge. Besides, I don't know what I want.

I will admit there's satisfaction in knowing that I've given a gift almost guaranteed to please its recipient. Still, I sorely miss the thrill of finding something that pleases my friend, son, daughter or spouse — something the person may not even have known he or she craved or would enjoy. The gift might even say something unexpected about the person or our relationship. Who knew that you would look so good with a purple scarf?

So I'm thinking about formulating the GGTI (Gift-Giving Type Indicator). Parents, children, friends and spouses might take this before any major gift-giving event or season. We would discover whether we are in the camp that values intuitive gift-giving or the camp that wants to pin down all the details and ward off the specter of exchanges or tortured efforts to fit that chocolate fountain into one's entertainment repertoire.

After filling out the GGTI questionnaire, friends and family members could participate in small-group activities designed to help them fully understand the upsides and downsides of their gift-giving preferences. Then they could consider the value of contrasting perspectives. Ideally, they might find a way to mix and match — a bit of mystery and surprise here and there, but appreciation of specific requests. I doubt Amazon will suffer much.