With the right DVR, you can watch historical footage of numerous DVRs — Diva Vikings Receivers.
Is Mike Wallace the next star in our longest-running melodrama?
The Vikings’ biggest move of the offseason has been what effectively served as a ‘‘trade’’ of Greg Jennings for Wallace. The Vikings cut Jennings and replaced him by swapping low-round draft picks with the Dolphins to acquire Wallace, who is younger and faster.
At the end of last season, Wallace had a sideline argument with coaches and was benched for a half.
In other words, unless Wallace throws a weight at a head coach or terrorizes a small town in Minnesota, he has a chance to win the Leo Lewis Award, which I just made up and will now annually be given to the Vikings receiver who acts so selflessly he could be confused as a player at another position.
Wallace has the talent to make the Vikings offense better. He’s one of the best deep threats in the NFL, and he scored 10 touchdowns last season in a system that didn’t play to his strengths. He even beat Vikings cornerback Xavier Rhodes late in the season, when he was playing extremely well.
Whether you like the acquisition depends on your level of paranoia about the emotional stability of star receivers. If you’re a Vikings fan, you’ve been burned by this particular hot stove, and you learned from the experience by repeatedly slamming your hand down on a flame-red burner every fall.
Sports analysts have created advanced metrics to measure everything in the sports world. The new statistic in the NBA is PER — Player Efficiency Rating. The Vikings measure their wideouts in PIR — Pain in the Rear quotient. To divine a PIR, you divide a player’s productivity, on a scale of 1-to-10, by the likelihood of him strangling your head coach.
The Vikings could like Wallace to score well in this rating, which would require rating better than Koren Robinson in performance and Percy Harvin in behavior:
Jake Reed: Quality player and solid citizen who might have become a star if not for getting bumped out of the way by Moss. P: 7. T: 1. PIR: 7.
Cris Carter: Drove many teammates crazy, could throw a flamboyant sideline tantrum, but became a Hall of Fame player. P: 10. T: 2. PIR: 5.0.
Jarius Wright: Solid citizen who performs when given the opportunity. P: 5. T: 1. PIR: 5.0.
Anthony Carter: He could win a playoff game almost single-handedly, as the 49ers learned. Vikings coaches also worried about him pouting if he didn’t get the ball early. Performance: 8. Troublesomeness: 2. PIR: 4.0.
Randy Moss: Treated lots of people, from cops to caterers, like, to use one of his favorite words, ‘‘Dawgs.’’ Walked off the field before a game ended. May have been the most talented receiver of all time. Did mentor young players he respected. P: 10. T: 7. PIR: 1.22.
Cordarrelle Patterson: Nice guy. Tremendous athlete. Questionable work ethic. Career in doubt. P: 3. T: 3. PIR: 1.
Greg Jennings: Carried himself like a superstar and played like a journeyman. Not a problem, but a disappointment as a player. P: 3. T: 3. PIR: 1.
Percy Harvin: Couldn’t get along with Brad Childress … or Leslie Frazier. P: 8. T: 10. PIR: 0.8.
Koren Robinson: The ninth pick in the 2001 draft, Robinson made Mike Holmgren cry in frustration when Seattle released him. The Vikings picked him up, and he used the sleepy town of St. Peter as the set for his own personal Fast&Furious chase scene.
After the Vikings cut him, he signed with the Packers, and a veteran Green Bay scribe asked General Manager Ted Thompson how he would feel if Robinson, as a Packer employee, ever killed someone while behind the wheel. Turned out to be a fair question. P: 3. T: 10. PIR: 0.3.
I see Wallace having a productive season, especially in YPC (yards per catch). It’s up to him where he winds up ranking in PIR.