Someone, please, beam up Shatner

Like all great American actors, William Shatner -- Capt. Kirk, cultural icon extraordinaire -- is not American. We're not even sure he's human.

In human years, the Canadian entertainer is 80 (with the unstoppable mental energy of an 8-year-old Vulcan). But he could be just a youngster in Akritirians, Bejorin, Betazoid -- to name but a few of the humanoids that have infected, er, appeared in "Star Trek."

Indeed, we've been under the influence of "Star Trek" since it first aired on NBC 45 years ago. That was our first contact with the starship U.S.S. Enterprise and her crew, led by Kirk. Since then, Shatner has so thoroughly integrated his role on this planet that he's just beginning to mess with our minds.

This month alone he continues to mesmerize loyal Trekkies with a new DVD ("The Captains"), book ("Shatner Rules") and CD ("Seeking Major Tom").

Q: "Star Trek" or "Star Wars"?

A: Duh! "Star Wars," of course.

Q: The latest book or movie that made you cry?

Q: The fictional character most like you?

A: The ape in "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" because he had noble ambitions, some of which came true and some of which didn't, all of which were a futile exercise, anyway.

Q: You're proud of this accomplishment, but why?

A: I can chew gum and walk at the same time, because I am told doing two things at once is impossible. The brain cuts off -- not mine.

Q: You want to be remembered for what?

Q: Of those who've come before, the most inspirational are?

A: Stunt performer Steve-O, because he can get hurt and recover in a flash. I take a day or two.

Q: The creative masterpiece you wish bore your signature?

A: If I could have only re-edited "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" --but they didn't ask.

Q: Your hidden talents?

Q: The best thing you ever bought, stole or borrowed?

A: I stole a bag of candies when I was 5. The grocery clerk caught me, told my father and I never stole another thing again. Except a scene or two.

Q: Stress management: hit man, spa vacation or Prozac?

A: I might take some Prozac on a spa vacation and have the hit man's phone number.

Q: The best piece of advice you actually followed?