Solve the budget crisis, then relax at Archer Farms Lake

Legislators are heading out around the state to ask us, the Little Persons, how we'd fix the budget. It's a bit like a doctor coming into the examining room, slapping the X-rays on the wall, and saying, "Well, I'm stumped. You know what this is?" They're supposed to know the ins and outs, the fat from the muscle. Well, since they're asking, here are some ideas:

• Sell naming rights for all 10,000 lakes. What do we have now? Mud Lake, Leech Lake, Lake Le Lac, Horsefly Lake and so on. Sell the naming rights one at a time, or sell them all to Target, which could name them after various products. We got a cabin on Archer Farms Stoneground Dijon Mustard With Capers Lake. Lucky you! We're still over at Market Pantry Ketchup Lake.

• Invent a new vice to tax. Say, "Cigahol," a drinkable form of tobacco. Ban it everywhere. Profit!

• Online marketing. There's a radio commercial for a program that lets you make "50K a month" from home, using your own computer. That's $600,000 per year. If every state employee did this, we'd make millions -- and apparently no work is involved! You turn on your computer, and money shoots out the disk drive.

• Sell off that knob at the top of the state, the part so rudely poking into our northern neighbor's bottom border. It's like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial. You got Minnesota in my Canada! You got Canada in my Minnesota! Canada will take out a mortgage, fall behind on the payments, and then we can repossess it. In the meantime, we'll make some money and stimulate the battered domestic map-making industry.

• Lower the tax rates to compete with South Dakota, attract more business to our marvelously civilized state, generate more tax revenue from increased production and additional population. I know it's crazy, but it just might work.