This is Scotland, and I am tasting Scotches. Very fine ones, in fact. I should be happy. Even giddy. But there's a problem. I can't even see the drams — much less sip any.
Smartphones have suddenly sprouted like shiny bamboo shoots. People in my tour group are elbowing me out of the way.
A man wearing tweed is hopping as he snaps, which blocks a taller man behind him. I watch the tall guy drag over a chair and begin shooting what has to be a hawk's-eye view of the scene. There's a woman with not one but two phones happily clicking away.
Is the Duchess of Cambridge here? No, what the flashes are highlighting is, well, whiskey. Images of a desk clerk pouring. Pictures of a drink.
As quickly as I can, I grab my camera, set the settings, flip on the flash, and — for reasons I'm not sure of — something makes me stop. Just this once, I'm not up for battle. I slink over to a plate of scones.
What's going on? The single-malt shot: It will not be mine.
Everyone else will snag much better images than I will. They'll be grabbing Facebook traffic the very second they post them.
I will drink my unrecorded whiskey in obscurity.