When it comes to appearance's sake, I tend more toward Bacchus than Narcissus. Physical vanity tends to go out the window when a guy wakes up one morning in his mid-20s with a shiny pate.
So I've never been overly concerned about girth control, especially since my cholesterol levels belie a physique that is, in the words of "South Park's" Eric Cartman, "festively plump."
But upon hearing about a new men's product called Spanx, I was intrigued -- after getting over my disappointment that it didn't fit one of my favorite euphemisms, "marital aids."
Turns out that Spanx -- from the makers of "Power Panties" and something called "Slim Cognito" (!) -- are undershirts that, for a mere $55-$58, banish that beer gut. I tried to check out the goods at www.spanx.com, but at our workplace that site "has been blocked due to the nature of its content." (I'm guessing it's the "before" photos.)
So I'll continue to mosey down Roly-Poly Lane, especially since I don't spend $58 on shirts, much less undershirts.
Besides, I live in a state where one of the fittest, sharpest-dressed men is a basketball coach called Tubby. If he can live with that, I can put up with anything short of Minnesota Fats.
BILL WARD
