Jim Souhan: Promise us the world ... and we'll just ask for more

Whether or not you consider Minnesota to be the promised land, it has become the land of promises.

While being introduced as the Wild's new owner, Craig Leipold said, "I'm committed to winning a Stanley Cup." Leipold is the third recently arrived sports boss in town to invoke such a holy grail.

Vikings owner Zygi Wilf is on record saying, "I will do everything within my power to win a championship ... for myself."

Gophers football coach Tim Brewster came in promising Rose Bowls, then won one game, a divergence of word and deed so profound that we've run out of jokes.

Ever since Joe Willie Namath and Muhammad Ali invented and perfected the art of the sports promise, or guarantee, few sports figures have fared well when predicting future glory, but here are a few promises that could or should be made this year:

• Tony Dungy will promise he's not leaving the Colts to become Brewster's defensive coordinator.

• Brett Favre will promise that even if he fully intends to play next season, he won't make it official until July 17.

• Wolves executive Kevin McHale promises to build a winning team. In Boston.

• Jets coach Eric Mangini promises to use the new universal policing device, Facebook, to post pictures of Bill Belichick cheating. Mangini also promises to photo-shop a large zit onto Bill's forehead.

• Brewster, having found his Rose Bowl promises too uninspiring, will promise to take "Gopher Nation" to the Super Bowl. And then the Intergalactic Bowl.

• The Twins promise to remove anyone with a discernible personality from their roster, making noted humorist Joe Mauer the resident clubhouse wit.

Mauer: "How many Twins does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

Mauer: "I was just curious."

• Miami Heat coach Pat Riley promises to make it clear that if his team loses, it's not his fault.

• Kobe Bryant promises to continue employing the apparently brilliant motivational tactic of criticizing young teammates in impromptu conversations secretly taped by fans.

• Wild coach Jacques Lemaire promises to continue calling Marian Gaborik "Mary-Ann" until Gabby starts playing defense.

• Vikings coach Brad Childress promises to get around to disciplining Dwight Smith for that marijuana arrest -- right after Smith signs with the Raiders.

• Personnel boss Rick Spielman promises to do just as good a job building the Vikings as he did building today's Miami Dolphins.

• Hank Steinbrenner, confusing TV with real life, promises to hire Costanza as his traveling secretary and John Turturro as his next manager.

• Owner Glen Taylor promises to unveil a new promotion sure to make him another billion: All Wolves tickets are free, but you've got to pay $500 to leave during the first half.

• Forward Al Jefferson promises to amass almost as many assists with the Wolves as Kris Humphries did with the Gophers.

• The Red Sox promise not to gloat when they win another World Series.

• Boston fans promise to be insufferable either way.

• Forensic accountants promise to uncover how that extra zero got added to Carlos Silva's contract.

• Jessica Simpson promises to continue redefining the definition of "distractions" in football.

• Tom Brady promises to remind us more and more of Eddie Haskell.

• Torii Hunter promises he really didn't want to leave the decrepit Metrodome and the Twins' tight budget for twice as much money playing in a beautiful outdoor stadium in the sunshine capital of the world where he can hobnob with celebrities and maybe win a World Series.