Ozzie Guillen just keeps saying whatever's on his mind

In an age of instant Internet reaction and intense national overreaction to every controversy, an age when celebrities have perfected the non-apology apology that contains the phrase "if I offended anyone," two figures in American sports have unapologetically survived their own political incorrectness to remain popular and relevant.

It's too bad Ozzie Guillen and Charles Barkley have never met.

They were supposed to. Guillen, the manager of the White Sox, said he once had a lunch date with Barkley in Chicago, but his boss, General Manager Kenny Williams, offered career advice -- and for once Guillen took it.

"That's one thing where I listened to Kenny and he said, 'No, please don't,'" Guillen said.

America might not be ready for the Round Mound of Rebound and the Chi-Town Sound System to meet. It would be the aural equivalent of Superman and Spiderman hitting each other with folding chairs in the middle of the Octagon.

Guillen made his first appearance at Target Field on Tuesday, and when we first saw him, he was wearing a baggy White Sox sweatshirt and black tights. Tight black tights. He looked like he was ready to audition for "Glee."

There isn't much of that going around the South Side these days. The White Sox showed up with a 13-19 record and most of their regulars in slumps. Guillen moved promising infielder Gordon Beckham to eighth in the batting order Tuesday and said closer Bobby Jenks will share the job until he rights himself.

Still, the Sox are a long way from righting themselves. Could this be the year that losing and Guillen's willingness to get himself into trouble could cost him his job?

Don't expect Guillen to worry. Someone started a question by saying he has a tough job. He interrupted, saying, "No, I don't."

He doesn't? "No, because my dad had a job, he got five kids and he was making two dollars a day," Guillen said. "That's a tough job. I'm making over a million dollars doing this, and I watch the game. Some people have to pay to watch. They pay me to watch."

The time in the dugout has paid off. "I missed a lot of time with my family back home in Venezuela," he said. "Maybe that's why I'm still married. Maybe if I see my wife every day, we'd be divorced 20 years ago."

Guillen's marriage to the White Sox has lasted longer than you would have expected. He has insulted umpires, opposing managers, opposing players, his own players and certain members of the media -- and yet he has been on the job since 2004 and he's the only manager to bring a World Series trophy to Chicago since 1917.

"If I don't know how to win anymore, I'll work in TV and be a broadcaster. I know I can do that."

He'd do the first baseball broadcasts blocked by parental controls.

"Every time I say what's on my mind, it's the truth," he said.

Guillen has always expressed his affection for the Twins. He nicknamed their slap hitters "The Piranhas" in 2006, and he conducts a serial romance with Twins manager Ron Gardenhire.

He hated the Metrodome, though. Guillen hated the roof, the atmosphere and the lack of plumbing in the visiting manager's office.