The old year is over, the new now arrives!
After what we just had, we're glad to survive!
Bridges and leaders fell, sad to report
The only "wide stance" we saw was at the airport
We're not ready for more -- we trepidate!
It comes riding on Elephants, this 2008!
But at least it brings one treat that is non-perennial:
Welcome the Minnesota Sesqui-centennial!
Call the roll of departed, honor them in our story:
On Iwo Jima, Charlie Lindberg raised up Old Glory
Tammy Faye, Mr. Wizard, Carol Bly, Max McGee!
In our hearts, fondly remembered they'll be!
In Minneapolis, Mark Bedard fell while on duty
Godspeed Nick Mancini, his big heart was a beauty!
And brave Minnesotans who did not come back:
James Wosika Jr. -- and 15 more -- died in Iraq
Our motto at New Year's: In the new, out the old!
Our Vikings did it already in purple and gold:
Once we had Jim, Bob and Joe; now (this is hilarious):
Try Visanthe, Kenechi, Naufahu, and Dontarrious!
No playoffs, again -- there'll be no getting jiggy
With Tarvaris, A.D. and "I need your dough" Zygi
Still, thanks for the efforts, Kleinsasser and Kluwe
Brooks, Kelly and Birk -- for a season so screwy!
Our heroes in "M's" were no big sensation
A moment of silence, please, for "Gopher Nation"
Glen Mason took millions, Dan Monson absconded
Brewster went one-and-eleven and lost to Wisconsin
Hockey's Halldorson left; so did Okposo, Kyle
This ain't what we hoped for; Gophers should smile
But a new football stadium may bring better yarns
And our hoops are still high in Tubby Smith's Barn.
Meanwhile, the Twins empty our old Metrodome:
Castillo, Silva and Torii have all found a new home
The good news is a ballpark, at last under way
The question is will anyone be left to play?
Good riddance to hormones and steroids -- we're glad!
But dump Santana? Nuts to that, Mister Pohlad!
The T-Wolves, too, are far from reaching the dance
They get rid of Garnett, but still have McCants?
It's crazy, we tell you, so many pro teams
Beg big tax dollars, then sell off fans' dreams
Only Hockeytown, old St. Paul, keeps hope alive
The Wild made the playoffs; Gabby scores five!
To Manny and Walz, we bid fond adieu
Good luck, boys; 'Bonne Chance" says S. Veilleux
Backstrom, Belanger, Burns - but let's drop the gloves
Haymakers from Boogey are what the crowd loves!
From sports to the news, our New Year's rhyme moves:
Let's remark on and honor those it behooves:
Willkommen Archbishop Nienstedt, blessings Harry Flynn
One steps aside in '08 as the other comes in
While at The Loft, where lit'rary things are the tale
Linda Meyers retires; all hail Jocelyn Hale!
Goodbye Kathy Halbreich, hello Olga Viso
But our fave at the Walker is named Frida Kahlo!
New Congress peeps, Bachmann and Ellison, Keith
Did pretty well; one kissed George Bush on the teeth!
Norm Coleman and his rivals will fight to the wire:
Messers Franken, Ciresi and Jack Nelson-Pallmeyer
A plea to Mayors Rybak and Coleman, please, let us vow:
Let's help Gov. Pawlenty find his missing Molnau
And while we are saluting some who are elected:
Hail Darrel Ray! Hobo King he was selected!
The U's Leonid Hurwicz copped a Nobel Prize
"St. Paul" Travelers fell from St. Paul skies
Leigh Kamman, on jazz, no longer gives us the skinny
Bon voyage to the crew of "The Fighting Minnie"!
Rachel Paulose complained she got chased by a mob
Larry Craig should not have sat down on the job
Sonia Pitt, Diane Mandernach, angry citizens tossed
Sheriff Stanek's self-help DVD should next be lost
Bad luck to the old year, let's throw it out!
It was 12 months of nothing but flood, fire and drought!
Burn down North High School, Don Samuels said
Some jerk in St. Paul tore off a duck's head!
The Wakota bridge isn't up, MnDOT's falling down
A Critically mad Mass of riders made a mess in Uptown
But just to show you we never get bitter
Better luck with your next hard drive, Paul Ant'ny Ridder!
Many innocent lives were taken last year
Lives that will be remembered in tears:
Mark Loesch, Earnell Luster, Zack King, Charez Jones
By violence taken from family and homes
Thirteen died on a bridge; two drowned in a storm
Others passed in their time, leaving us all to mourn:
Pat Hessian, Zelma Wiley, Molly Ivins -- too many to name
Vernon Bellecourt, in the next world, now keeps true AIM
At the Guthrie, Sir Ian displayed the crown jewels
"King Lear" is no play for prudes or for fools
St. Thomas told Bishop Tutu to take a hike
Then recanted when it saw what the P.R. was like
Mike Hatch left the bunker, Prince peddled perfume
Cops listened closely when Tom Lyden came in the room
And here's hoping North Dakota bids bad blood adieu
Let's get hip to the time and forget "Fighting Sioux!"
Well, now, as we come to the close of our rhyme,
Let's lift up a toast, as we should at this time:
From us to you, with a prayer for good cheer:
Best to you, and to yours, and a Happy New Year!
The "winners" have all been Turkeys, no matter the honor's name.
