Even dangerous felons sometimes serve short sentences, but Benito Vasquez-Hernandez, 58 — guilty of nothing — has been locked up for nearly 900 days (as of early March) as a "material witness" in a Washington County, Ore., murder case. The prosecutor is convinced that Vasquez-Hernandez saw his own son, Eloy, murder a woman in 2012, and the case is on hold until the victim's body is found. The judge has given Vasquez-Hernandez two opportunities to leave, both impractical (pay a $500,000 bond or give a video deposition, but he speaks no English, is illiterate in Spanish and, said his lawyer, might be mentally incompetent). (Consolation: Material witnesses in Oregon earn $7.50 a day.)

The continuing crisis

Cockroaches can be bold explorers or shy and withdrawn, according to recent work by researchers at Belgium's Universite Libre de Bruxelles, who caught a bunch of them, affixed radio tags and studied their movements. "Explorers" are necessary for locating food sources, although, obviously, they are also most likely to find Roach Motels; "shy, cautious" roaches are necessary for survival and group stability, and a mixture of the types ensures cockroaches' legendary survivability. A Mother Nature News commentator wrote, hopefully, that understanding roaches' personalities might make us "less quick" to "grab a shoe."

The trendy St. Pauli neighborhood in historic Hamburg, Germany, suffers its share of uncouth revelers who wander out from nightclubs seeking restroom facilities but too often choose walls of storefronts and private homes, reported London's the Guardian in a March dispatch. The solution, according to the civic group IG St. Pauli: paint jobs with an "intensely hydrophobic" product known as Ultra-Ever Dry, which somewhat propels liquid aimed at it right back toward the source by creating an air barrier on the surface. In other words, said an IG St. Pauli official, it's "pee back" time, and shoes and trouser legs should expect splashes.

Can't possibly be true

Ranson IB Middle School in Charlotte, N.C., has a strict dress code (requiring, for example, only "hunter green" outerwear). Thus, on Jan. 27, when parent Chanda Spates dispatched her three kids in improperly hued coats, Ranson officials confiscated the "contraband" clothing, leaving the three (along with 20 other sartorial miscreants) to make their way home after classes with no outerwear at all — though the temperature that afternoon was in the 30s. (Following parental outrage, the administrators apologized.)

Compelling explanations

Clueless in Florida's Panhandle: (1) Debra Mason, 58, was arrested for theft of a pickup truck in Destin, Fla., in January — and according to police, Mason said she knew it was stolen property but "didn't think it was 'that' stolen." (2) Ten miles away in Mary Esther, Fla., in February, Robert Pursley, 54, was arrested for drunken driving and was asked about items in his truck. According to the police report, Pursley insisted that everything was his — "except for anything illegal." A baggie of cocaine was in the truck's center console.

Is this a great country, or what?

The U.S. Treasury recently took in more than $40 billion by auctioning off part of the wireless spectrum, but one buyer — the Dish satellite-TV provider — got a discount worth $3.25 billion by convincing the Federal Communications Commission that it is a "very small business" (despite its market value of $34 billion). Using awe-inspiring loophole-management, Dish created a separate company in partnership with a small Alaskan Natives' group, which theoretically "managed" the company — though the Alaskans' hands were tied by an earlier Dish-friendly contract. Thus, Dish got the benefits of being "very small" while retaining control — a "mockery" (said one commissioner) of the FCC's simple-minded attempt to help small businesses.

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