Khaled A. Shabani, 46, a hairstylist in Madison, Wis., was arrested on a tentative charge of mayhem and disorderly conduct while armed after an altercation with a customer on Dec. 22. Shabani scolded the 22-year-old customer for fidgeting, then taught him a lesson by using the “shortest possible attachment” to “run down the middle of the customer’s head,” reported the Wisconsin State Journal, and “leaving him looking a bit like Larry from ‘The Three Stooges,’ ” police spokesman Joel DeSpain said. Shabani also clipped the customer’s ear with scissors. “While it is not a crime to give someone a bad haircut,” DeSpain noted, “you will get arrested for intentionally snipping their ear with a scissors.” Shabani said the snip was an accident, and his charge was later reduced to a ticket for disorderly conduct.

Bright ideas

• Polk County (Fla.) Sheriff’s officers responded to an unusual 911 call on New Year’s Eve: Michael Lester, 39, of Winter Haven told the dispatcher, “Umm, I’m drunk. I don’t know where I’m at. I’m just drunk driving.” The dispatcher urged Lester to pull over and park, but he explained that he was driving on the wrong side of the road near a Publix and wondered where the police were. WCTV reported that officers finally caught up with Lester, who helpfully explained he’d had several beers, hadn’t slept much and had taken methamphetamine earlier in the day; he was jailed on a DWI charge. Officers later posted on their Facebook page that “in this particular incident, nobody was hurt, so we couldn’t help but LOTO (that means we Laughed Our Tasers Off).”

• Disgruntled driver Matthew Middleton, 49, of Peterlee, England, spotted a speed camera near Hartlepool Rugby Club in October and decided to take a stand. He got out of his car and stood in front of the camera, blocking it, until police arrested him. Middleton further antagonized the officer by calling him a “pig” and giving his name as Elvis Presley. “They acted like what I did was the crime of the century,” Middleton told Metro News. “I know I shouldn’t have done it. People have just been laughing about it ... well, apart from my wife.” Middleton was fined about $54 plus court costs for his antics.

Least competent criminal

When Dustin Johnson, 22, of Minot, N.D., tried to steal $4,000 worth of merchandise from a local Hobby Lobby, he failed to take into account that shopping carts don’t have snow tires. The Grand Forks Herald reported that over a seven-hour period on Jan. 3, Johnson filled a cart, then fled the store — where the cart became stuck in snow in the parking lot and flipped over. Johnson fell down, then got up to run, leaving behind his wallet with photo ID. Minot police caught up with Johnson at his home.

Animals gone wild

Postal workers in the Cleveland suburb of Rocky River were unable to deliver mail to about two dozen homes for three weeks in December and January after being attacked by wild turkeys. Local ordinances prevented the city from eliminating the birds, so residents were asked to pick up their mail at the post office. Rocky River Mayor Pam Bobst encouraged residents to stop putting out bird food, hoping that would discourage the turkeys from hanging around. “There’s a lot of bird feeders over there, so there’s a food source in that area,” she told Cleveland.com. The Postal Service said several carriers were pecked, but no serious injuries were reported.

News of the Weird is compiled by the editors at Andrews McMeel Syndication. Send your weird news items to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.