I've come around to renaming the airport terminals. The confusion they cause is so great that most planes depart half-empty, and there are people living under bridges who never made their flight in 2006 because they couldn't figure out where to go. Apparently this is how the signs LINDBERGH and HUMPHREY appear to people unfamiliar with our fair city:

PROBABLY IT'S THIS ONE

SLIGHT BUT NOT INSIGNIFICANT CHANCE IT'S THIS ONE

What to do? You dig for your ticket because it'll have a hint, right? No, it just has L and H, which could mean Lindbergh or Humphrey, but what are the chances of that? L for Long flight, or H for Hairy guy in the next seat? It's complicated by the fact that Lindbergh is so big, so self-contained; the idea that we might have another terminal somewhere over there seems ridiculous. What happened? Did the Humphrey Terminal wake up one day, tell Lindbergh it needed some space, it's not you it's me, and moved out? Did they divorce? Who got the Cessnas?

We could have avoided this if we'd called the Humphrey Terminal something else, like Lindbergh 2, or Lindbergh South. (Then we could mess with people and call Flying Cloud "Humphrey West.") One early name, "The Other Terminal," was tried and discarded because tourists would go to The Other Terminal, ask if this was the right one, only to be told they were supposed to be at The Other Terminal. They'd go to Lindbergh. Then back again. Turned out the guy who proposed the name was in the pocket of the taxicab lobby.

Let's be frank. If you live here, you should know the difference. If you're taking a cab, the cabbie will know. If you rented a car, your paperwork should tell you, or the clerk will write LINDBERGH backwards on your forehead with a Sharpie so you can look in the mirror for a hint. But if you're running down the side of the highway dragging your bags, the new signs will help. I believe this happens once every six years to someone named Humbert Langbarg, and this is why we have to change the signs. On behalf of Charles and Hubert: Thanks a lot.

James Lileks • jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More daily at www.startribune.com/blogs/lileks