Mr. Smithee is not chopped liver

Dear Mr. Smithee: I work with disabled adults, and one of them is a fantastic statistic keeper. We are trying to figure out at which theater in New York "Schindler's List" opened. He knows the exact month, date and year, but is bent on finding out which theater. We here at work have exhausted all efforts on finding out.

MARILYN D. HANSEN, EAGAN

Dear Last Stop for Gas: I am having a hard time with your words "exhausted all efforts."

What am I, chopped liver?

Because I am who I am, Marilyn, and you are who you are (which is an individual who can't recall all the facts regarding "Schindler's List"), I will relate to you more information than you or your statistic keeper or even your whole office need know. It will require exhaustive efforts to digest. But in all this data, will be the answer to balm your chafe.

In 1993 "Schindler's List" had its first premiere at the Cineplex Odeon theater on Wisconsin Avenue in Washington, D.C., on Nov. 30. Among the attendees: President Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton.

The following day -- as in Dec. 1 -- the film was screened at the Coronet and Baronet Cinemas on Third Avenue in New York. (Note: the theater has since been demolished, but people also referred to it not only as the Baronet and Coronet, but the Coronet I and II).

On Dec. 15, the film opened in 15 cities. In New York, it played initially at the Cineplex Odeon Regency Cinema on Broadway and 67th, at the Cineplex Odeon First & 62nd Cinemas and at Cineplex Odeon Chelsea Cinemas on 23rd Street. The first showing at all three theaters was at noon.

ALAN

P.S.: You get an "Incredible Hulk" cap and a "Sex and the City" pouch.

Not so Dynamite Dear Mr. Smithee: I say Napoleon Dynamite (the character) is basically a ripoff of Kevin ("Feelin' 7-Up!") from "Repo Man." What do you think? I respect your opinion, unless it differs on "Repo Man," then you are wrong.

PATRICK MILLER, MARIETTA, GA.

ALAN

P.S.: You get a "Wall-E" T-shirt and "What Happens in Vegas" coasters.