ST. LOUIS
Justin Morneau hadn't hit a homer in 68 plate appearances when he came to bat in the first inning Sunday. His drought had caused all sorts of little-known problems.
When Morneau doesn't homer:
• It takes his teammates five hits, two steals, a wild pitch and a catcher's interference ruling to score.
• Joe Mauer, in mourning, stops trimming his sideburns and winds up looking like Vegas Elvis. He also stops letting Morneau listen to Classic Canadian Rock -- such as Bachman Turner Overdrive, and ... Bachman Turner Overdrive -- on their rides to the ballpark.
• The Twins stink.
Of course, only two of those three items, including the last one, are true.
When Morneau homers, the Twins are 13-3, and two of those three losses came in New York, where the Yankees have filed an injunction against Twins victories. When Morneau doesn't homer, the Twins are 26-35 -- or, to put that into painful context, they are the Royals.