March 1-3, 1951: Mr. Fixit at your service

Q. I am a 20-year-old girl. I am madly in love with a man who is 30. I know this man has been on very close terms with other girls. I am in bewilderment whether I should marry this man or forget him. I know it would be very hard to forget him, for his memories would haunt me. I have been seeing another man more my age, but he does not have as much sex appeal as the older one. Should I forget the man I have so much feeling for? Please give me some sound advice as I am in desperate need.

A. Tom Jones, in the novel of that name by Henry Fielding (1707-1754) was on very close terms with several women. Nevertheless, Fielding considered the reformed Jones a good matrimonial risk for his chaste heroine and permitted their union in a "happy " ending. The duration of their happiness is a matter for speculation and so are your prospects with the "sheik." I only wish to point out that your query is neither new nor, I fear, susceptible of a conclusive answer.

– MR. FIXIT

Q. Is there a town named Centerville in Ramsey county, Minn.?

A. Centerville is in southeastern Anoka county, Minn.

Q. (1) I have been partially dehoused. My girl's boy friend won't let me in weekends. I seen the X. P. Diter and he told me to go to the county seat and get a squatter's claim deed and then throw her boy friend out. I did, but her boy friend said the claim was only good on government property and I should join the army and take it with me. Then he threw me out. Will it help me get back in if I apply for membership in the American Kennel club? (2) I am certain you must be wearied by being queried by cantankerous trollops, sanctimonious slatterns, and bachelor bacchanalians …

A. (1) That will give you plenty of yelp. (2) As Chief Lahkjaw says, "I'll slatternly bacchanalian trollops against a whole cantankerous fellers, though it sank Timonius."

Q. I maintain that when the temperature is minus on the thermometer, for instance –28 and changes to –20, it is considered to be rising.

A. You're right.

– MR. FIXIT.

Q. This problem may seem trivial to you, but I don't know exactly what to do. I am going with a girl older than I am. How much, I don't know, only from what I hear, she may be 12 years older than I am. I am 24. I think a great deal about her, and the feeling seems to grow every time we go out, and I know she feels the same about me. I want to know if I should keep on going with this girl or break off with her. If I should break off with her, how should I go about it? It is in my mind. A very hard thing to do.

A. At the age of 35 Benjamin Disraeli, earl of Beaconsfield, married a widow 12 years older than he, and they were, by all accounts, very happy. Of course (according to the Encyclopedia Britannica) she brought to him a "house in Park Lane, a considerable fortune and the unceasing devotion of an affectionate, but not particularly intellectual, nature."