I have caught a major cookie company in a devastating lie, and it's going to make me unpopular. But, as the saying goes, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Oreo is celebrating its 110th anniversary with a contest. You can choose one of several cookie-related prizes, each with a tenuous connection to the actual product. But one of the prizes is "Free Oreos for life."
I have some questions before I enter this contest.
"Free Oreos for life" does not sound like it's that big of a deal, to be honest. For one thing, no one totes up the budget at the end of the month, crumples the paper in frustration and shouts, "From now on we have to cut down on Oreos. We spend less on heating."
Two: How does it work? Do you get a laminated Perpetual Gratis Oreo card that you can beep at the grocery store? Or do you phone someone when you're running low and a courier runs over with a fresh pack? And do you tip?
Three: If you had access to virtually infinite no-cost Oreos, how would it change your consumption patterns? I once heard a rumor about a famous local musician who used a product only once. He'd open a toothpaste tube, use it one time and discard it. You could do that with Oreos — just take one at the peak of freshness and let the rest grow stale.
Which reminds me: Do you know how to make Hydrox cookies at home? Open a pack of Oreos and leave it on the counter for a week.
Sorry, I might have insulted the three surviving Hydrox fans out there. As a kid I never understood the need for Hydrox when Oreos existed. The name sounds like something you add to laundry to get out stains. My grandparents always had Hydrox cookies, but they lived on a farm, so maybe it was an attribute of the agrarian life. Or they wanted to cling to the confections of their youth.
