Cities need neon. Baltimore has the giant Domino Sugar sign; New York has the Pepsi sign. We have the Grain Belt sign on Nicollet Island -- but unlike the others, it's dead dark.
This could change: the sign's up for sale. You're thinking: hey, that would look great in the garage. How much? Don't know, but it's not cheap; the enormous Paul Bunyan-sized beer-bottle cap isn't the sort of thing you can put in the back of the Ranger.
It needs saving. It needs juice. The sign used to flash a spelling lesson every night, lighting the beer's name one letter at a time, but the bulbs fell dark in the mid-70s. (How appropriate.) In 1989 it was illuminated again, to the joy of all -- well, except those who lived close by; the light probably went through walls. Probably went through fridge doors. A year later the brewer hit the skids, and the great sign has slumbered ever since.
The ideal buyer for the big sign would seem to be the folks making Grain Belt today, no? But if you're a private citizen, consider saving the sign. I'm sure no one would complain if you made some rearrangements to hawk your business. Some possible words using the letters extant:
RAT BIN GEL (Catchy name for an edgy, "downtown" hair-products line), TAN BE GIRL (New UV lamps!) LA BIG RENT (Upscale apartments), LA BET GRIN (Mystic Lake? Hello? It's a natural), GNARL BE IT (Beauty salon), BAR LET GIN, BAR TINGLE, BANG LITER (saloon sponsorship seems obvious), IT BRAN GEL (A topically-applied dietary supplement) A BENT GIRL (Chiropractic office) and GARB INLET (Men's clothiers).
If you add Beer to the letters, you get BLEAT BEER GRIN, GREATER NIBBLE, and perhaps the most eye-raising sign to promote the east Hennepin entertainment district: BABE REGRET NIL.
On second thought, keep it as it is. Just light it up again. If anyone wants to pass the hat, I'm in.
jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 • More daily at www.startribune.com/buzz
