Lay off the chips? Fat chance of that

FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA. - If you think Saints defensive coordinator Gregg Williams has a difficult assignment this week, let me introduce you to Susan Levin.

She's the director of nutrition education at the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM), a Washington, D.C.-based nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting preventive medicine, especially better nutrition. She's also the woman who wants the United States of America to eat healthy and responsibly Super Bowl Sunday.

I don't like her chances.

Levin sent a letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Les Moonves, president and CEO of CBS, urging them to run PCRM's public service announcement commercial during the Super Bowl to warn fans of the connection between high-fat foods, gameday gluttony and the problems associated with heart disease.

"Running this spot on gameday could save lives," Levin writes.

I don't doubt that everything she says is accurate. I saw her photo and she's skinny.

But Super Bowl Sunday?!

"Well," she said, "if I thought the notion that this is just a one-time, one-day thing that Americans do, maybe we could sit back and wait. If that was people's actual mentality, then we wouldn't have 67 percent of the population being obese and overweight. We wouldn't have one-third of the population being obese. We wouldn't have one in three kids now being obese or overweight. It's a problem, and our diet is out of control."

She said we aren't a "feast and famine country," we're a "feast and feast and feast country." I'd drink to that, but she told me, "Drinking your calories is a problem."

With the pressure to defend an entire country of wing-eating pizza slurpers from having to feel guilty Sunday, I suggested maybe there's a problem with the Body Mass Index (BMI), which uses only height and weight to define obesity.

With apologies to Vikings special teams captain and Pro Bowl selection Heath Farwell, I used his height (6-0) and listed weight (235) and asked Levin if Farwell, a fat-free block of human being, would be considered "obese."

She crunched the numbers and said, "Yep. He's obese."

Later, I consulted an expert in the field of nachos, adult beverages and, you know, fun on Super Bowl Sunday.

"My weight isn't the problem," my brother said. "It's my height. I've got to do something about my height."

I also had Levin crunch my numbers heading into Super Bowl Sunday. I'm 6-0 and 207 pounds, give or take a late night at the poolside bar.

"Your BMI is 28," Levin said.

She suggested fruits and vegetables, which would also help my expense account. Told me I had to lose five pounds, which was great news since I've been trying to lose 10 since the '80s.

Levin suggests a Super Bowl spread high in fiber and low in fat. She says a big pot of chili with lots of beans (insert your own joke here), a thick tomato soup, a whole-grain pizza with no cheese and lots of veggies.

Mmm. Mmm. Good.

Oh, and she also suggests hummus. Whatever that is.

"Fill up on fiber and you're getting very full but with not a lot of calories, and a lot of nutrients," Levin said. "That's a good rule every day."

Every day except Super Bowl Sunday.