Laws of the street in Italy

Always go as fast as possible. If you don't have your accelerator floored, folks will wonder what's wrong with your ride.

Streets signs are mere suggestions. "One-way signs are only for cars," the other scooterists told me. Follow others into the onslaught of traffic since it is impossible for the cops to catch everyone. (The police don't obey the road signs, either.)

Obstacles are to be overcome. When asking for directions from a native, I was told: "Just go right on the sidewalk, through the Villa Borghese [park]." When I asked if that was illegal, he scoffed, "Of course not! With a Vespa you can go there -- just don't get caught."

Ignore other drivers. If motorists see you noticing them, they know that you will stop to avoid being broadsided. Never act too careful since drivers sense fear. It's better to ignore them and make the scooterist's blind leap of faith. Go forth, the sea of traffic will part.

The world is your parking lot. Finding a spot to leave your car requires hours of searching, but you can leave a scooter on the sidewalk right next to the door. If the traffic cops give you a ticket, don't worry. It's Rome, so no one pays anyway.

Traffic lights are mere decorations. Red lights are just a warning that you might have to dodge cars coming from the side. Or as a Roman cabbie told me, "All scooterists are color-blind."

No cop, no stop. "In Italy, there are many laws, so you can pick and choose which ones you want to obey," a gas station attendant advised me. I watched cops in Campo de' Fiori wag their index finger to warn off scooters from the pedestrian-only square, only to see the same scooter zip through the piazza from a different entrance.

Juggle cigarettes and cell phones. Driving a scooter requires two hands, one for the clutch and gears, the other for the gas and brakes, which makes conversing on your telefonino an art form worthy of a gymnast. If you've no one to call up, light a cigarette with your third hand.

Make a bella figura. Always act as if someone is watching, but never pay them mind. If no one notices you, try this old trick: Whip out a hacksaw and knock off the last few inches of your tailpipe to boost the volume. To avoid wrecking your bella figura when your damn scooter stops again, pretend that this spot was exactly where you meant to stop. Remember, the only time your scooter can "break down" is in a secluded spot with someone special on the pillion seat.