I have just one favor to ask of the Twins front office:
Give us a sign of life. Please. Your families are worried.
Hold a mirror under your noses. Fire off a flare. Send a picture of you holding today's newspaper. Give us some reason to believe you haven't been kidnapped by a South American dictator or sucked into that temple by the black cloud monster on "Lost." (If you don't get that reference, don't worry about it -- those of us who watch the show don't get it, either.)
This is a likeable bunch of people. General Manager Bill Smith, assistant GM Rob Antony and Vice President of Personnel Mike Radcliff have ascended to their current positions through sheer diligence. They are as down-to-earth as any management team in pro sports. Which is why it's such a shame they have been abducted by aliens.
In October, the Twins fell one victory shy of winning the AL Central. On that day, everyone in baseball knew what the Twins needed -- a hard-throwing eighth-inning reliever and an everyday third baseman.
More than four months later, the Twins are convening in Fort Myers, and everyone in baseball knows what they need -- a hard-throwing eighth-inning reliever and an everyday third baseman.
In the age of instant video, the Twins front office is a Polaroid. In the age of HDTV, the Twins front office is one of those old RCAs where you had to hold the rabbit ears just right to be able to see "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
This would not be surprising if this were 1999, when the Twins typically signed the worst and cheapest free agents available and tried to limp through the season without losing 100 games. A decade later, there is no excuse for this kind of inactivity, unless the front office spent the winter partying with Michael Phelps and can't think past the next attack of the munchies.