Their most valuable player is home, nursing a head injury. Most of their starting pitchers have spent the past six weeks showing a new breed of Twins fans what it was like to watch Scott Klingenbeck.
The team has played so poorly for so long that some Minnesota sports fans may start thinking that standing on a sideline in Mankato watching linemen grapple might be more entertaining than sitting in Target Field on a beautiful August night.
But before we declare the current Twins slump to be the unofficial opening of football season, let us, for at least a day, dwell on the kind of far-fetched positive possibilities that so often in the last decade have come true for our Metrodome refugees.
On Friday night at Target Field, the Twins won the first game of the season that felt vital, beating the White Sox 7-4 and moving 3 1/2 games out of first place in the AL Central.
More important, the victory featured a return to competence for Francisco Liriano, who had never before beaten the White Sox and had faltered in two of his previous three starts.
Now, instead of falling 5 1/2 games behind with no chance to win the series, the Twins send their de facto ace, Carl Pavano, to the mound Saturday with a chance to climb to 2 1/2 from first.
With Justin Morneau home nursing a head injury and no true ace to take command of the rotation, these remain dire circumstances for the Twins. But before we start taunting Packers fans about the inevitable return of Brett Favre, let us revisit Twins history:
• In 2003, they were 7 1/2 games out of first place on July 17. They won the division by four games.