Jim Souhan: In new back room, Twins relaxing in lap of luxury

I have found the flaw in Target Field's design. The architects provided a massive, beautiful clubhouse for the players, and the players don't need it.

After every game at Target Field, Twins shuck off their uniforms and meander to the swinging double doors at the far end of their plush locker room.

They emerge hours later smiling like they had just bought a pull-tab and won Aruba.

"We barely use the clubhouse anymore," centerfielder Denard Span said. "We used to spend all of our time in here. Now all we really do is change in here. We just head to the back room."

So ... what's in the back room?

"That's confidential," Span said. "I can't tell you everything. But we've got a weight room, Jacuzzis, training room, food, everything we didn't have in the Metrodome. An eight-person whirlpool. I feel like we're on the road at Yankee Stadium.

"We're so used to being on top of each other. Before, I could smell the guy three lockers away."

When the Twins jump in their eight-man hot tub time machines, they don't go back in history; they are propelled forward, away from the indignities of the Metrodome.

"We've got the big training room back there," outfielder Michael Cuddyer said. "We've got a hot tub. We've got a cold tub. The weight room is popular. We've got a lounge, a food room, a steam room. A massage room.

"I'm still waiting to push a cinder block and see a whole new room open up."

Twins players have graduated from a nightmare to a day spa.

At the Metrodome, the back room that held the kitchen and a workout room contained little more than an old rowing machine and a George Foreman grill.

The old training room contained a few padded tables and a bottle of Ben Gay. The new training room features so many pools, the players have to wear water wings.

"It's awesome," infielder Nick Punto said. "I mean, it really is awesome. The thing is, like yesterday, on the off day, I got in here and spent a couple of hours getting in my work. That's such a luxury. Before, I'd have to drive out to Savage. It's just nice having everything here on campus."

It's a nice campus. Especially the ag school.

"It's a good spot back there," Punto said, making it sound like a martini bar. "It's away from all the chaos, and it's a confined room, and you're sitting there in your tighty whiteys, and it's good for morale.

"Those smiles you see will be here all year long, just from being in this place. The Metrodome, it's nothing compared to this."

"I think," Span said, "that they're still looking for a lifeguard."

Bullpen coach Rick Stelmaszek, who has worked in pro ball since 1967, is not complaining about the modern ballplayer being spoiled.

"Really, it's good," he said. "I know, because I've joined them a few times. You talk about the game, you switch between tubs, you take a steam, you shave, you shower, you leave feeling rested and good and fresh."

"Before you had to wait 25 minutes to get into the tub, and you'd wait a while and finally say, 'I guess I won't use it today,' " reliever Matt Guerrier said. "It wasn't a joke when they were talking about a bunch of us being back there.

"We had like five in the hot tub and five in the cold tub, and we'd all switch at once."

"Want to know what we have back there?" first baseman Justin Morneau said."We have everything we need."

Plus, on Wednesdays, appearances by Michael Buble.