Jim Souhan: Even lipstick on this pig of a season won't help

There is only one explanation for what happened Friday night at the X. Miikka Kiprusoff wants to face the Wild in the playoffs.

Otherwise, how does a reputable goalie give up three first-period goals, two before getting pulled by Crazy Mike Keenan, and one after getting reinstated following a 12-second hiatus?

Seriously, what do you think Keenan expected Kiprusoff to get out of sitting on the bench for 12 seconds? A Twitter?

"He does that a lot," Wild coach Jacques Lemaire said of Keenan. "He specializes in that."

Friday night, a desperate team trying to save its season played a battered team coming off a game the previous night in Dallas, and it didn't take long to figure out which was which.

The Wild beat Calgary 4-0 after building a 3-0 first-period lead on shots softer than road slush.

Andrew Brunette tipped in Marek Zidlicky's shot on a power play. Cal Clutterbuck floated a shot past Kiprusoff. Keenan pulled Kiprusoff, pointed at him, sat him on the bench, then reinstated him in about the time it takes Derek Boogaard to pronounce a big word.

Kiprusoff needed more than one. Reinstated by his Captain Hook of a coach, The Kipper then gave up the softest goal of Owen Nolan's career, and it was 3-0.

The problem for the Wild is, the reward for what would still be a miraculous run to the playoffs would be a first-round series against San Jose. But, hey, Wine Country is a nice place to get away from your troubles.

Even if the Wild applies some playoff makeup to this pig of a season, though, this franchise is in trouble.

Watching the Wild this season was like watching grass grow. To enjoy either you needed to buy a lot of fertilizer.

The worst thing that happened to the Wild this season was losing Marian Gaborik for most it, in part because his presence would have elevated his team to a low-seeded playoff berth, in part because his absence gave this franchise the excuse it needed to ignore reality.

By the time this team starts next season, it likely will be without Gaborik and Lemaire. Whatever you think of either, their tenuous collaboration produced just about every highlight in franchise history.

We saw this season what happens to the Wild when it doesn't have a prime scorer. This is a mediocre, boring team.

We will see next season what happens to the Wild when it doesn't have Lemaire. This will be a mediocre, boring team that can't score goals, and that won't be as good at preventing them.

The front office likes to brag about developing young talent. That talent must be really young -- diapers? elementary school? -- because the team's two leading goal-scorers this season are ages 37 and 35. The supposed young stars are James Sheppard, who produced five goals, and Cal Clutterbuck, a wonderful grinder who nevertheless scored just nine.

Give GM Doug Risebrough this: Nolan, the team's leading scorer at 37, and Brunette, the second-leading scorer at 35, were nice pickups. They would have been better pickups if they were asked to provide punch on the third line of a good team. Instead, they were asked to carry a lousy team.

Last year, the Wild won the division. This year, it is fighting for third.

Don't be fooled by the Wild's win on Friday. By the time the Wild loses Lemaire and Gaborik, this franchise may look like the Timberwolves on ice.