VANCOUVER — Take that, Canada, with your beautiful vistas and annoying politeness.
Take that, Austria, with your mountains and your (I'll leave this blank 'til I figure out what else Austria has).
Take that, Russia, even though we're really not mad at you these days any more than we're mad at the bully who tormented us in high school who's now working the drive-through window at the local greaseburger chain.
America is dominating the Winter Olympics, in sports most Americans watch no more than once every four years. It's like our country is one large geographic Joe Mauer, capable of winning games we learned over lunch.
Canada promised to "Own the Podium," but Americans are leasing with an option to buy.
When this edition went to press, the USA led the Winter Games medal count, with 23 total, including six golds. Germany had 14 and four, Norway 11 and five, and Canada, which spent $117 million to dominate on home ice, had eight and four.
"If I was a betting man, I would have put a lot of money on the Americans today," said speedskater Chad Hedrick, who finished sixth in his specialty, the 1,500 meters, on Saturday night in what he said was his last solo Olympic race.
The U.S. speedskating team didn't excel, with Shani Davis' silver medal in the 1,500 giving the United States only three speedskating medals overall. Hedrick's philosophy is sound, though: If you bet on Americans in these Games, you probably brought home as much gold as the USOC.