This week's news in the Minneapolis Is Awesome Department: We're the seventh least-wasteful city in America, according to a new survey by a company that makes reusable plastic bottles. Not exactly something you'd put on the city seal or letterhead, but it's nice to know.

St. Paul is not on the list, which means either it was rolled into Minneapolis -- again -- or it's worse than last-place Houston, where people apparently use cars to drive their half-ton of garbage down to the boulevard. With the air-conditioning on and the windows down.

You can guess which criteria are most important -- recycling, taking the bus, finishing all your peas because there are starving children in India, stuffing dog fur into throw pillows, etc. Living in a house so small the Realtor's website pictures say "Shown actual size" counts as well, which is why San Francisco and New York City did well.

But some of the criteria describe "waste" as something you might call "living." Look at the categories. No. 1: Minimal Impact Behavior. Like not hitting people or running my car into a tree? I did my part. No, it's "reusing wrapping paper." So a city gets dinged because parents let kids rip open presents instead of insisting they open them with an Exacto knife so Mommy can iron out the creases and use the paper next year, and you get Care Bear paper for your high school graduation.

You're also cited for "waste" if you buy a book instead of taking it out from the library; that St. Paul woman who allegedly took 14,000 books from the library should have put our sister city in the top 5.

Low impact: Turning off water while you brush your teeth and limiting shower time. I know I'm supposed to stand under a cold trickle and scrub as briskly as someone hallucinating that he's covered with ants, but I have a simple rule for showers: I'm done when I'm done.

This is why I do not want to be mayor: You can't take a long, hot shower without fearing your town will drop to eighth place next year. And then you have to order new letterhead stationery.

jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More daily at www.startribune.com/blogs/lileks