'IDOL' REHAB

Offering ideas on how to improve "American Idol" is a lot like giving Tiger Woods tips on his golf swing. It's pointless. Granted, ratings are down 7 percent from last season, the biggest one-year dip since the show premiered, but it's still far and away the nation's No. 1 obsession. That fact hasn't stopped hordes of Web users from offering countless suggestions that range from bringing back Sanjaya to putting a muzzle on Ryan Seacrest. Word is that Fox is even distributing a market-research survey asking fans for improvement tips.

Well, here's mine: Relax.

Any blockbuster phenomenon is going to slip over time. It happened to "Survivor"; it happened to "ER." Heck, it even happened to Madonna. Deal with it. As long as you have a top five show -- and "Idol" shows no sign of falling out of that category anytime soon -- you have nothing to worry about. Also, keep in mind that while the current contestants are highly likable -- I'd like to take them all out for milkshakes -- they are not the most charismatic bunch. The lack of a truly eccentric or polarizing finalist may be affecting the ratings, but it's kind of a relief to those of us who sincerely want to see great talent knock it out of the park. In that sense, season seven has delivered.

Still not satisfied? Still want to monkey with success? OK, I'm game. Here are 10 potentially disastrous ideas to mull over.

Don't let the losers perform loser songs. It's a nice touch to have the dearly departed say goodbye with a number, but why do they, and we, have to suffer through the number they performed the previous night? We didn't like it the first time. We're not going to change our minds. Have each of the finalists reserve a personal favorite that they can pull out at the last minute and try to prove to us that we were wrong to give them the boot.

Have the judges judge. The idea of America picking the bottom two or three and then having Simon, Randy and Paula do the dirty work isn't a new one. Frankly, I kind of like it. It drastically reduces the chances of "Idol" being just a popularity contest. But this twist will only succeed if Paula goes first. Put her in the middle and she'll either agree with Randy, thereby finalizing the decision, or disagree, leaving it all in the hands of Simon. Making her lead off forces her to do something she never does: Pick a side.

Have the guests judge. I know, I know. It was a disaster when folks like Gladys Knight offered commentary at the table. But it's even worse when the night is dedicated to Andrew Lloyd Webber and you don't get to hear his thoughts on each song. The artists are there to promote their new albums. In exchange, let's have them go back to doing some dirty work.

Cut the auditions short. There's no doubt that the tryout episodes across the country are among the most watched episodes, often earning more than a 20 percent bump in ratings. But this year, "Idol" dedicated eight installments to the auditions, most of which consisted of sad sacks having their dreams get shattered on national TV. Good fun, I guess, but the extra padding is making the "Idol" season seem as long as the NBA playoffs. Let's get to the good stuff faster.

Don't cut the songs short. I hate when Academy Award winners get forced off the stage in the middle of their acceptance speeches, and I hate the fact that singers perform abbreviated versions of their numbers. Great songs have peaks and valleys that are essential to their structure, and too many of them are eliminated when the contestants have to chisel their performances to less than two minutes. Let the music play -- unless it's "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida." Then 14 seconds is just fine.

Remember it's the 21st century. I love that these teenagers and twentysomethings are being challenged with songs that would date some of their parents. I'd even encourage another "Big Band" night. But this season seems particularly awash in nostalgia (we did not need two weeks of Beatles tunes). It's vital that every month the producers mix in songs that are no older than Cowell's T-shirt collection. The winner, after all, isn't immediately going to launch an oldies tour.

Remember, it's a family affair. One of the reasons "Idol" succeeds is that it's one of the few TV shows that people of all ages can watch together, something that the programmers and promotions department at Fox seem to forget. My love for Gordon Ramsay is second to none, but is it really keeping the kids in mind when you air promos for a show called "Hell's Kitchen" in which the main draw is watching adults blubber like babies? Respect your audience.

Put those Ford commercials in reverse. "Idol" is well-known for its in-house promos (how many cups of Coke can Simon drink?), but the full-out ads for Ford during the show are ridiculous. They also look awfully time-consuming. I'd like to think that instead of shilling cars, the contestants would be fine-tuning their numbers. Maybe then Brooke White and David Archuleta wouldn't be forgetting their lyrics.