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Dear Readers: What is it with you people?

Every week I give and give and give. I work long hours laboring over my special prose, all in the feeble hope of dragging the lot of you into the bright light of knowledge where whispers of happiness become reality.

And what do I get in return? Hellish snarls and cries of foul. "You did not include" ... "You omitted" ... "I think you missed" ... "You forgot."

Well, I say, you will not weaken my resolve.

The rabble involves my recent column in which a kind reader asked me to list my favorite alcohol-themed films. I dutifully wrote about "Barfly," "The Thin Man," "The Verdict," "Leaving Las Vegas" and "Long Day's Journey Into Night."

Here's what I got in return:

• From Dave Shafarow in Florida: "I was quite surprised that you did not include 'The Lost Weekend' with Ray Milland or 'Come Fill the Cup' with James Cagney. Do you not consider these excellent alcohol-themed movies?"

• From a reader identified as TwoDuzies: "Surprised to find that you never saw, nor heard of 'Days of Wine and Roses.' Even though almost 50 years old you can still get it on DVD. Suggest you do."

• From Joel Ripley of Maple Plain, Minn.: "Kept reading, wondering when you were going to list 'Days of Wine and Roses' and came to the end of your response disappointed. Did you leave it out in error?"

• From Yvonne Syler: "I think you missed the all-time best alcoholic movie ever, 'Days of Wine and Roses.'"

There's more. Much more. But you catch their drift.

My response:

Ahem. Do I look or dispense knowledge like someone who appears to be unaware of three of Hollywood's major films from the 1940s, 1950s and 1960s?

If my favorite is not your favorite, then that would suggest to me that such truth is something you will have to live with. Your films -- especially "Days of Wine and Roses" -- are just a jigger too much melodrama for my palate.

Notice I also didn't say a word about "Arthur" or "Ironweed" or even "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?," which happens to be one of my all-time favorite dramas. I didn't mention "Animal House" or "My Favorite Year" or even "The Legend of Drunken Master," an alcohol film I would have no trouble listing ahead of "Lost Weekend," "Fill the Cup" and "Wine and Roses."

That's not to say the three films listed by my dear readers are not good movies. They're just not my favorites. I didn't forget them. Honest. I ignored them.

ALAN

P.S. You get my heartfelt thanks for your kind missives, and I get a Hendrick's gin and tonic, which I will sip while wearing an "Ask Alan Smithee" T-shirt.

Made in Minnesota Dear Mr. Smithee: It's rare for Hollywood to set up production in my neck of the woods, so when cameras do roll, I'd like to see how well those films did at the box office. Is there a way to find out how well movies prospered theatrically in each state, specifically mine of Minnesota?

CORY NELSON, PLYMOUTH

Dear Ya, Sure, You Betcha: If Minnesota and most states are anything like Georgia, then your government has a film board of some sort, like the Minnesota Film and TV Board in St. Paul, which you will find online at www.mnfilmtv.org.

On that site you can download a filmography that lists more than 120 films made in Minnesota, including "A Prairie Home Companion," "Fargo," "North Country" and "Jingle All the Way."

Now go to www.boxofficemojo .com and plug a film title -- such as "Fargo" -- in the search. You will be rewarded with both domestic (North American) and worldwide box office figures. For "Fargo" that's $24.6 million domestic and $60.6 million worldwide.

ALAN

P.S. You get a large "Iron Man" figure and an "Ask Alan Smithee" T-shirt.

Is there really an Alan Smithee? That's one he won't answer. But he does allow that it's a name used for crediting purposes when directors want to disassociate themselves from a movie that, well, stinks. E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com. Include your name, city and daytime phone number.