Divorce and our desire for something more

Lots of ink has been spilled over the announced divorce of Bill and Melinda Gates, the software billionaire couple who became two of the world's most generous philanthropists.

Perhaps that means that thousands of ordinary people care, as they seem to about the British royals.

And maybe that means there is something for the rest of us to learn.

Maybe.

One divorce attorney said the rich and older are like everyone else: They have problems, people change, and, after retirement, sometimes couples look at each other and ask, "who are you and how did you get into my house?"

One writer asked: "If Bill and Melinda Gates can't make marriage work, what hope is there for the rest of us?"

And at least one academic has written about "gray divorce" — the increasing phenomena of older couples who have been married a long time calling it quits. The assumption is that it is more than longer lifespans that is straining long-term marriages.

In a joint statement, Bill and Melinda Gates said, " ... we no longer believe we can grow together as a couple in this next phase of our lives."

That's sad, and it is strange and sad that they felt compelled to explain themselves to the world with such a personal statement.

Divorce, not to mention gray divorce, is a highly complex subject and it is impossible to even begin to understand it, as a social or personal phenomena, in a uni-dimensional or simplistic way.

And in America we always want "better" and "more" and we want each individual to find maximal fulfillment.

But it is hard not to wonder if the intolerance that has infected our culture — our penchant for canceling each other and sentencing each other to social death — has not crept into the already fragile institution of marriage.

Maybe it is asking a bit much of another person. Maybe "live and let live" was a better motto than "help me to realize myself."

Maybe.

But here is an interesting fact: While divorce among the old and long-married is still relatively rare, ending the late-life second marriage is more common.