Sunday If you had a DUI and then went to jail because you ignored the law, you'd probably want to hide in a corner until July. That is, unless, your last name is Kardashian. Then, you kick off the third season of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" (9 p.m., E!) with all the juicy details of Khloe's ordeal.
Monday A new season of "Dancing With the Stars" (7 p.m., KSTP, Ch. 5) has arrived so quickly that I almost didn't have time to call my bookie. Thank goodness for speed dial. First to go: Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak. Last to stay: Lil' Kim. Her rags-to-riches-to-jail story should get her some sympathy points.
Tuesday What's the star-studded movie of all time? It just might be 1977's "A Bridge Too Far" (9 p.m., TCM), which featured James Caan, Michael Caine, Sean Connery, Elliott Gould, Gene Hackman, Anthony Hopkins, Robert Redford, Liv Ullmann, Laurence Olivier and John Ratzenberger, the guy who played Cliff on "Cheers."
Wednesday Marco Pierre White may have helped teach Gordon Ramsay how to cook, but he can't hold a candle to him in the department of spicy personalities. White, considered England's first celebrity chef, doesn't give us much reason to order up "The Chopping Block" (7 p.m., KARE, Ch. 11), a reality series that's too much like "Hell's Kitchen." White may have done it all first, but that doesn't mean he does it better.
Thursday Bridget Marquardt is not necessarily a travel expert, but she did live in a house with Hugh Hefner for years, so I guess that qualifies her as some kind of lifestyle coach. The perkiest of "The Girls Next Door" takes you to "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" (9 p.m., Travel), a new series that will teach you about exotic places, unique cuisine and ... aw, who are we kidding? It's all about Bridget averaging a dozen bikinis an hour.
NEAL JUSTIN
