ASHBURN, Va. — A national television audience watched Zane Gonzalez adjust his socks on the sideline and fix his hair multiple times before putting his helmet on and taking the field to kick the winning field goal in an NFL playoff game Sunday night.
Those watching did not see Gonzalez as a kid writing and rewriting papers and taking walks outside with his father or playing soccer to get his mind off homework he could not finish. Only his wife saw him set and reset his alarm clock about 100 times Wednesday night to make sure it was right.
All of it stems from the obsessive-compulsive disorder Gonzalez has lived with his entire life, from childhood to now being a kicker for the Washington Commanders. Making the field goal to deliver the franchise's first postseason victory in nearly two decades has allowed Gonzalez to share his story, hear from others, correct any misconceptions and shed some light on what it is like to play professional football with OCD.
''Anybody that has OCD understands that mental battle's not easy,'' Gonzalez said after practice Thursday. "You truly think it's the end of the world or whatever that situation is that you're going through that you think the worst possible situation can come of it. And even if it's the most unrealistic thing ever, that's just kind of the way you think about it sometimes.''
Gonzalez, who banked the kick off the right upright and through as time expired to beat Tampa Bay and send the Commanders to the next round at Detroit, feels he has gotten better at handling the uncontrollable, recurring thoughts and fears that come with the anxiety disorder. At 29, he is more confident and has been able to shrug off some of the social media attention that followed his viral moment.
''As a kid you're more adamant about trying to hide it and trying not to show people,'' Gonzalez said. ''You're just like, ‘Oh, I don't want people to think whatever, this or that.' I mean, you saw the reaction. People were always like, ‘Oh, he's nervous.' It's like, OK, it's not nervous. It's just kind of a tick-type deal. ... Being a professional athlete it's like, ‘Hey, I'm here, I'm in the big moment, big stage, do what you do, make the kick.'''
After he made the kick, Gonzalez's wife, Lizzy, posted a TikTok responding to people making fun of her husband's OCD. It came up on ''The Pat McAfee Show,'' with the retired punter-turned-TV star talking about how much of the position was mental and how kickers develop routines to get in the right frame of mind.
Gonzalez's pre-kick mannerisms are nothing new, and he said his wife and teammates have seen it plenty over the years at practices and in games.