CJ: Unvited from the Starkey gala, but unrepentant

Starkey Hearing Foundation has a tin ear for fine video.

That, of course, is the right of the board and founder Bill Austin, host of an annual celebrity-studded gala. But come on! Had Austin's smiling mug been in a single frame of my 2010 Starkey sports reel video, I suspect I wouldn't have been unvited to the 2011 event.

On Friday, Rosalie Hagel, from the Florida company handling PR for the 2011 annual Minnesota event, called to inform me of problems associated with my failure to be deferential to the pro athlete aristocracy attending the 2010 gala.

"Apparently there were previous issues. I'm not familiar with what those were," Hagel told me. "But last year there was a specific incident where I understand, um, you were chasing down Magic Johnson and yelling some inappropriate comments to him. As a result, the foundation received some negative e-mails from people [who] saw the video. They got calls about it. So that really was the impetus."

Hagel was told that somebody had called to notify me, but I never received such a call. Must have been the same person responsible for me getting gala e-mail updates as recently as the day before Hagel called.

Doesn't matter.

That particular video was a classic! It was TMZ in the Twin Cities. And while there was no chase at all, as viewers at startribune.com/a557 can see for themselves, there I am, giving Magic some much-needed grammatical advice.

It's a matter of great racial embarrassment TO ME that this broadcaster, big-time businessman and Michigan State alumnus never learned that there's no such word as HISSELF. I have mentioned Magic's usage of the non-existent word in previous columns -- Aug. 12, 2008, June 3, 2004, Oct. 21, 1993 and Jan. 23, 1992 -- but he's probably not a regular reader.

So when I saw him, I yelled that information as Magic disappeared into the distance, pivoting away from the red carpet, probably because he was late. Before the grammar lesson, I had playfully asked the question: Where's Cookie? I did not recognize either of the women with him as being his wife, although as I reviewed the video this weekend, one kind of looked like Cookie.

The focus of the offending video was me asking professional athletes and then Vikings-coach Brad Childress why his star running back Adrian Peterson had fumbled the football so much the previous season.

NFL safety Roy L. Williams and I had been getting along like Boomer Sooners until I asked about Peterson's fumbling issues. Instead of saying something such as, I'm sure my buddy Adrian's going to get this under control, Williams squirmed and seethed at the affront of some dumb woman (that would be me) having the temerity to question anything Peterson does on the field. He even suggested maybe I should try it myself to see how difficult it can be.

Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald Jr., who manicures that public image as though he'll run for office someday, answered the fumbling question with:

"We're here for a night of charity. It's not about football tonight." Reminded of how charitable Peterson had been to opposing teams by coughing up the ball, Fitzgerald said, "I don't want to comment on that, CJ."

Peterson had a much better season of maintaining possession after my July 2010 video. Coincidence? Perhaps AD was motivated by the story Chip Scoggins, my Strib sports colleague, did five days after my column and video. Chip noted that Adrian, who has a vice-like handshake, had become "a national talker this offseason" after fumbling 20 times in three regular seasons

I'm guessing that making this even more of a local talker did not sit well with the pro athlete aristocracy.

So please, dear readers, weigh in with what you think would be appropriate, interesting questions for professional athletes at these events. And please put your response in the form of a question.

It's probably just as well that I'm not going to this gala, which is kind of like an annual update on new friends -- rich, famous, philanthropic -- made by Bill Austin.

Would you feel deprived about missing an opportunity to meet Gary Busey? And if you met him, could you resist an inquiry regarding "Big Wednesday," I ask you? (Google: Busey, Big Wednesday and Celebrity Apprentice.)

I was soooo looking forward to seeing if local sports writer Larry Fitzgerald Sr. would be accompanied by the same lady friend in 2011 that he brought in 2010. And I was almost giddy wondering if Kim Kardashian will be there and whether this would be the year that "Entertainment Tonight" sends a crew to work the red carpet?

However, nothing in the above paragraph could inspire me to follow the red carpet arrivals upstairs to masticate on event victuals while watching Austin's self-congratulatory videos.

Previous handlers of the event, and even Bill's wife, Tani, have begged or asked me to stick around for the dinner program. No. I'd suffer through that only if the fabulous and wildly irreverent singer Patti Austin, surely no relation to Bill, was the headliner. Miley Cyrus and Meat Loaf, two of this year's performers, are never going to do it for me.

What can I say? I'm terrible at sucking up and just talking about fashion.

While there's no disputing how commendable Austin's work is -- providing hearing aids to children all over the world -- I do wonder if vanity galas are essential for doing good.

But this annual event is Bill Austin's, and as far as I know, no public dollars go into it. He can invite and unvite anybody he likes or doesn't like.

So thanks for the ban, Bill!

The only thing I'll really miss is your smile.

C.J. is at 612.332.TIPS or cj@startribune.com. E-mailers, please state a subject -- "Hello" doesn't count. Attachments are not opened, so don't even try. More of her attitude can be seen on FOX 9 Thursday mornings.