Before the Fox network’s chief religion correspondent Lauren Green walked down the aisle to attorney Ted Nikolis in NYC in May, the groom needed something to calm his nerves.
He had “half a glass of vodka before the wedding,” Green said, when the newlyweds came to her home state in June for a Happily Ever After party in Rogers. Nikolis said he had to “take the edge off.” No such liquid courage was required when they played my version of “The Newlywed Game,” although Nikolis said, “I’m sensing danger.”
This game had everything: An affable announcer, Green’s brother-in-law Ron Porter, a theme song hummed by Green’s cousin Barbara Myers, and an incredibly enthusiastic audience, as you will see on my startribune.com/video. (Just beyond the 3-minute mark, hear a Green laugh you’ve never heard on TV.) The participation level for the video was pretty amazing — thanks everyone! — considering nobody knew this was on my mind when I arrived.
There was one problem — the media producer overthought the format.
Why did I want them to answer my questions with their answers plus their guess as to what the other would say? Just stupid and a little confusing, so I will try to streamline it here.
Q: Where were you the first time you saw your new spouse?
L: Greek Church.
T: Cathedral Greek Church.
Q: How often should the bed linens be changed?
L: Once a week. (She predicted Ted would say once a year.)
T: Eventually. (He predicted Lauren would say once a week.)
Q: Your spouse sleeps mostly on … side, back, front?
L: Back. (She predicted Ted would say side.) I see your back a lot. I knew you would say on your side.
T: Side. (He predicted Lauren would say side.) You only give me enough room for the side, anyway.
Q: Which one is more likely to steal food off the other’s plate at a restaurant?
L: Ted. (She predicted Ted would say Lauren.) I know what he’ll say. I said Ted and he said Lauren. See, if I don’t finish food he finishes it for me.
T: Lauren. (He predicted Lauren would say Ted.) Well, you take while I’m eating. [Audience laughter]
Q: There was a story in the Star Tribune about this next question. Do you know how much your spouse makes for a living?
L: Yes. (But she predicted Ted would say Yes.)
T: Yes. (But he predicted Lauren would say No.) I don’t make anything, he said.
Q: What is your spouse’s favorite underwear?
L: Boxers. (But she thought Ted would say tighty whities.) The top (response) is what I would like his underwear to be, the bottom is what they are.
T: Victoria’s Secret. (But he thought Lauren would say boxers.)
Q: This question should be easier. What’s your spouse’s favorite color?
L: Blue. Ted will say maroon. To Ted she says, I know what your favorite color is, but I don’t think you know it’s your favorite color.
T: Red. Lauren will say blue. To Lauren: I think you are right.
Q: Who cleaned the bathroom last?
L: Emily. Are we like two snooty New Yorkers?
T: Emily. That’s an easy one for both of us. At least we know her name.
Q: What vegetable doesn’t your spouse like to eat?
L: Brussels sprouts. Ted would say broccoli, but he’ll eat anything in front of him.
T: Tomato and for Lauren it’s asparagus.
Q: You’re late and you’re lost. Who is going to be more calm?
Interviews are edited. C.J. can be reached at email@example.com and seen on Fox 9’s “Buzz.” E-mailers, please state a subject. Attachments are not opened.