Q: My boyfriend and I are into bondage and I am concerned that I have damaged my left breast. Within a day or two my breast became sore/painful to the touch. It’s been a week now. I can’t feel a lump but my breast is tender underneath and around the left side and top. I keep checking for lumps. Does it take a long time for breast tissue to heal? I can’t see any bruising. I am a bit worried.

 

A: Cease all breast play until any pain and swelling has subsided. As fun as bondage can be, the downside is that it can cause temporary injuries. Make sure your boobs are supported to avoid any additional stress, and apply an ice pack to reduce discomfort whenever possible.

Any trauma to fatty tissue can take longer to heal because blood is slower to reach those areas, which is why you’re still feeling tenderness. Your boobs should return to their normal, perky selves soon. If the pain subsists after another week or you develop any hardening of your breast tissue, please check in with your doctor. Hardening can indicate cells are dead due to deprivation of oxygen. They resemble cancerous lumps, so you’ll want to rule out anything scary if cysts do develop.

 

Q: I love and adore my wife, and would never stray, but I am going out of my friggin’ mind because I am a kinkster (of the consensual-nonconsent and rape-play vintage with a side of ballgag drool), yet have a very vanilla sex life. My wife knows all about my predilections, does not judge them, and has tried to satisfy them, but her heart is not in it, and as a result, such attempts are epic in their non-sexiness.

It’s not that I don’t find my wife hawt. Being naked with her is an instant mega-boner, and I have little trouble climaxing during intercourse. But I have buttons that need to be pushed for my sex life to be truly fulfilling and satisfying. I have resorted to masturbating with Tumblr porn on the side, which fills the physical need but not the emotional one, and ultimately solves nothing and is therefore depressing.

I’m panicking. Looking for the answer outside of my marriage is not an option, and wife wouldn’t be up for bringing anyone else into our bed. Advice?

 

A: If you were unmarried, my advice would be to have a serious conversation with your partner about your needs and whether or not you’re willing to commit to someone who’s unable to fulfill them. I’d ask if a lifetime of ungratifying sexual encounters is a small enough sacrifice to spend your years with a woman who is compatible in all the other core departments. If those questions made you second-guess it, I’d suggest you hold off on that lifelong commitment and let the relationship run its course, because if you marry, you will ultimately be unsatisfied and even become resentful of your wife.

Unfortunately, you’ve already committed. Your wife has the right to set her limits and you’re a good man to respect that. However, you’re clearly unsatisfied. If sex outside of your marriage is out of the question, my only remaining suggestion is to ask your wife if she would consent to you having online-only BDSM relationships with other women. You might be surprised at how satisfying sex through a computer can be; anonymity shatters boundaries and your imagination is your only limit. As long as you agree to protect your identity and privacy, cyber-banging can disappear the ball-gagged elephant in the room and still allow you to have sex with your wife to preserve the intimacy of your marriage. Google “BDSM chat” and you’ll find forums full of other kinky folks who aren’t interested in anything other than a romp in fantasyland. You wouldn’t be the first or last spouse to look to the Internet for what’s lacking in your sex life.