Asking Eric: House inheritance divides siblings

Dear Eric: Before he passed years ago, my father transferred his beach house to his six adult kids. We did not ask to become owners of a shared house, and I always thought it was a horrible idea.

Most of us kids tend to travel to different places, while one has always loved to vacation at the beach house. The five siblings who didn’t want the house said it should be sold. Years went by.

The brother who wants the house was unable to buy it or maintain it on his own. He promised it would impact our relationship if we forced the sale, which we ultimately did, and he kept his word. Of course, the proceeds from the house were shared equally, after the legal fees.

Close family friends have heard my brother’s side and have mentioned to me that I could have afforded the house and shouldn’t have agreed to the sale. I’m hurt by the judgment and don’t know what to say.

Eric says: Why should you bear the burden of upkeep on a house you don’t want? Were you supposed to take on the expense by yourself and buy your other siblings out of the house? The math isn’t working. Tell your family friends that.

Dear Eric: I started a new relationship a couple years ago that has recently grown serious. I really love my girlfriend, and she is so sweet and kind. In fact, everybody loves her.

The issue is that nearly every day, she mispronounces a word or uses one incorrectly. Sometimes cringingly so.

I never know whether to correct her, and, if so, how often. Or if I should just get over it. Personally, if I were in her position I would like to be gently corrected in private. But would that be helpful or snobbish?

Eric says: You’re having a “My Fair Lady” problem. The question here is the same as the question in that popular musical: Does she want your help?

So, ask her, privately, the next time it happens. “You said X, but it’s usually pronounced Y; is it helpful for me to point that out, or would that annoy you?” Then do what she asks.

If you’re the only one who is cringing, then it’s not a problem for both of you and correction is going to chafe her. Language is fluid; the most important thing is that you understand each other, both in what you’re saying and what you’re doing.

Dear Eric: I see a lot of older folks frustrated that they don’t get thanked for gifts to their young relatives. Without meaning to appear ungrateful, I believe there is a generational gap here that isn’t being addressed.

Instead of thinking “my friend/neighbor is grateful” I think “my friend/neighbor feels obliged to write thank-you notes.”

A thank you-note is not too much to ask, but it is just not as obvious as the older generation seems to think. So, I wish they could take it less personally.

Eric says: This issue does come up a lot, you’re right. And there’s definitely cultural and generational gaps. But I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all explanation.