Ask Eric: New husband wants solo trip

Dear Eric: I’m a newly married 69-year-old woman who was previously a widow. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year.

Before we got married, my husband didn’t ever mention he wanted to go on an African Safari with his adult son, and now it has come up frequently. I have made it clear it upsets me that he wants to travel without me, and made it clear I am not paying for this adventure of his.

I don’t understand it, this wanting to be away from me for that long. It hurts me deeply that they didn’t do this stuff all those years when he was single. Now he’s retired, so possibly that’s why his son has come up with this idea.

I do not know how to handle this. It tears me apart to think this man I’ve fallen in love with thinks nothing of being away from me for so long. Am I being unreasonable and unfair?

Eric says: Let’s look at this from your husband’s point-of-view. He’s recently retired, so he finally has more time for bucket list items. He’s also newly married, so it’s likely that his free time is less available for events with his son than it might have been before you were together. It makes sense, then, that they’d want to do this once-in-a-lifetime trip together.

I would strongly encourage you to celebrate this with him, instead of begrudging it. In short, it is unfair to hold this trip against him.

But don’t beat yourself up too much about how you feel. Transitioning to this new relationship is going to take some adjustment.

This trip isn’t an example of your husband abandoning you. Try to see it for what it is — a rare opportunity for him to pursue a dream and a chance for you, back home, to find something that brings you joy, as well. When you’re reunited, you can tell each other what you’ve learned and discovered.

Dear Eric: I met an interesting man recently and agreed to a date. Within a few minutes of the start of it, we realized we had grown up in the same town and already knew each other. I was younger by a couple of years, and we didn’t know each other well, but we shared an extended friend group.

I have a vivid memory of being in the back of his truck when he hurt an animal while driving. He did not express any remorse. He wouldn’t pull over, and I became physically ill. That image has stayed in my mind.

He says he’s a different person now, nearly 15 years later. I’m having a hard time even thinking about getting past it. Should I even try? Can a 17-year-old horrible person turn into a 31-year-old with integrity and empathy?

Eric says: He may be a new version of himself, and I certainly hope that’s the case. But his rebirth doesn’t require you to revisit your relationship. I’d say move on.

This memory does not seem like a good foundation on which to build a relationship.