Dear Eric: My friend has a particularly troubling habit. When we go out to eat with someone else, after we finish eating and are just sitting around talking, she, without fail, will suddenly announce she’s got to go, jump up and leave.
When it’s just the two of us out to eat together, this never happens.
This is rude, right? It’s certainly unsettling. Or am I being controlling to be bothered by it? Would it be appropriate for me to address this habit with her? If yes, how should I go about it?
Eric says: Try to use this as an opportunity to learn rather than to correct.
Start by asking her, “Have you noticed this pattern?” If so, ask for more information about why she does it. Are there certain triggers or other factors at play? Is there a reason it doesn’t happen with you? Leading with curiosity will help the conversation stay unguarded and friendly.
There are plenty of possible explanations: boredom, anxiety, physical discomfort. Asking for more information will give you context. And, who knows, there may be something that both of you can adjust in the future so that these kinds of meals are fun from beginning to end, whenever that end comes.
Too close for comfort
Dear Eric: I separated from my ex-wife in 2021, and we divorced not long after. We don’t communicate often, but when we do, I try to be respectful and decent.
I try very hard not to be in her business. But she has confided in me a few times that her new partner is abusive. I wouldn’t want any stranger on the street to experience that, let alone someone I have a personal history with. But I’ve admittedly been too involved in this.
