Ask Eric: Friend’s driving getting scary

Dear Eric: My friend and I are in our mid-70s. We participate in several activities together — book club, continuing education class, and so on. We often carpool together.

I have become very alarmed about my friend’s driving. She brakes unexpectedly, veers across the center line and seems quite distracted. I’m more and more reluctant to get in a car that she is driving.

How do I handle this situation? Her husband of more than 50 years probably is unaware of her driving habits because he always drives when they go someplace together. I’ve been coming up with excuses to drive separately, but I would happily take her as my passenger, if she didn’t insist on returning the favor.

Eric says: It’s crucial for your safety, her safety and the safety of everyone else with whom she shares the road that you speak with her directly about this. Even if you choose not to ride with her again, you should still have the conversation. It can be kind and non-judgmental, but it’s important for you to point out the dangerous driving habits you’re noticing.

Even if you make it clear that you’re expressing concern rather than reprimanding her, be aware that she might not take it that way. It can be hard for any adult to receive a critique about their driving. They don’t make car horns sound pleasant for a reason.

Expressing your concern gives her the opportunity to be more present, to seek improvement or to drive less or not at all, if that’s what’s deemed appropriate. In the meantime, by having this conversation, you also open the door to give her rides without reciprocation.

Dear Eric: I invited my sisters to visit because a family member in my town is coordinating a family artistic project. Coincidentally, I had a fall and now have limited mobility.

First of all, I would have appreciated her checking with me first, before buying her tickets. I enjoy my time alone and am managing fine, using a wheelchair to get around the house.

She plans to do a bunch of cooking in order to set me up before she leaves. Although that’s a nice offer, I really don’t want her doing all that. I don’t eat that much, and her food tastes and mine aren’t all that similar.

I said her trip sounds a bit too long. She asked if she should cancel it. I replied she didn’t need to do that, but I said that a relative who stayed with me immediately after my injury was very helpful but got on my nerves after four days and I helped make arrangements for them to return home. She didn’t get the hint.

How do I tell her I cannot bear to have a houseguest for that long, without hurting her feelings? I have always told family members they are welcome to visit, but anything more than three or four days is too long. She and I have a history of friction. I love my sister, but really love my time alone, too.

Eric says: Your sister already offered you the out when she asked if you wanted her to cancel the trip. So, it’s fine to circle back and take her up on it, or a version of it.