Ask Eric: Death report was a bit early

Dear Eric: I have a kind, retired neighbor who I infrequently see, but who is always warm and friendly when we cross paths. Nearly a month ago, my wife received a sympathy card from her expressing condolences on my passing, appreciation for what a good neighbor I was and hoping that my memory would be a blessing.

It was a lovely card, but as you can tell from this inquiry, a bit premature. I pushed away the temptation to ring her doorbell at night in zombie makeup, figuring I would soon drive past her. However, no such luck. Her routine is to leave the country at this time of year. I could text her, but I don’t feel rushed to correct the error. Your thoughts?

Eric says: I’m glad to hear you’re doing well, and I’m sure your neighbor will be, too. She might have gotten her wires crossed or she might be having some memory or cognitive issues. It’s not for me to say. But odd as this was, what a gift to be able to read the kinds of loving statements about oneself that are often only shared after one’s passing.

So — and I know this is odd, too — I think you should send her a thank-you text. Because you likely won’t see her for a bit, a simple text to say that you’re doing well, you saw her lovely note and that you appreciate the thought could clear the air and reinforce how wonderful it is to be remembered, even when we’re still actively making new memories.

Dear Eric: I hosted a small party recently at which a guest (again) didn’t wear his hearing aids. He has done this often enough that I took it personally. I admit it is a pet peeve of mine to have to constantly repeat things to him. I find this disrespectful of me and others in the group. Am I overreacting and taking it too personally?

Eric says: While it might be inconvenient to have to repeat yourself, please remember that, for your guest, hearing loss is more than an inconvenience. His choice to forgo hearing aids isn’t an insult to you or to others. It’s how he’s navigating the world right now.

He might be struggling to adjust to them; he might forget to put them in; he might find them distracting. Try to extend some grace instead of reprimand.

Eric says: It’s possible that your father has become desensitized to the smell or that his sense of smell has gotten less sensitive. So, it could be helpful to gently point out that there’s an odor and offer a simple solution. Keep it neutral and free from accusation. “I’ve noticed that the car has taken on a sour odor. Have you noticed it?” and then, “I’d like to help you fix it, if you’ll let me.”