Ask Amy: Volatile couple need time to step back

Dear Amy: I am a 35-year-old professional woman, recently separated from my husband of nine years.

Our marriage has been rife with volatility due to his uncontrollable anger and my tumultuous relationship with alcohol. That being said, we have worked through most of our issues. He's my best friend.

I'm in therapy and have a treatment team that has helped me to overcome my alcohol abuse disorder, as well as years of insecurity, codependency and anxiety. I am in a good place and no longer have room in my life for violence, anger and abuse.

My husband and I recently got into an argument where he put his hands on me to remove me from a room. I was shocked that he would do that during an argument where we both were sober.

He has since been apologetic and has enrolled in anger management therapy. I've wanted him to do this for years, but I fear it might be too late.

Am I completely off my rocker to think things might still work between us? Or should I cut my losses and start my life over?

Amy says: You should not risk your physical or emotional safety — or your sobriety — in order to live with your husband.

Thinking of this as all-or-nothing might not be the wisest course right now. You and he should remain separated so you both can experience what life is like when you're living as individuals in recovery.

The answer to your dilemma is likely to present itself over the course of the next six months or so. Even if you decide to permanently part, you should not have to surrender your friendship.

Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I have been together for about five years. We are both progressing in our careers and making strides personally, professionally and as a couple.

My girlfriend wants to move from New England to Florida. She wants me to come, too, but, either way, she plans to go in the next year or two.

I love Florida, but all of my friends and family are here. My mom is independent and doesn't necessarily rely on me, but she would be devastated if I left.

I love my girlfriend, and I don't want to lose her, but I'm not sure I'm ready to move away from my home and everyone I know. How can I make this decision?

Amy says: You should start by very honestly trying to decode your own motivations. Surely your mother would miss you, but would she be devastated? Talk to her about this. Are you genuinely necessary to your family, or are you afraid to move?

Being nervous about leaving home is natural. It speaks to your sensitive and compassionate nature.

You don't need to have a definitive answer right now. After your girlfriend moves, you could transition to a long-distance relationship, which should help you to clarify all of your competing priorities.