Dear Amy: After becoming a born-again Christian, my brother seemed to feel it was his responsibility to be my moral compass. He critiques my faith, my life and my family. He's a far-right conservative and never fails to weigh in on any liberal post I make on social media, apparently feeling it necessary to correct my wrongheadedness. For most of this I just roll my eyes and ignore him.
He has now chosen to voice his disapproval of my daughter because she, with a successful career and beautiful family, is gay. He stated that while he loves my child, he can't condone her lifestyle.
As for my relationship with my brother, I'm not sure I want to get over this hurdle. I love him, I just don't like him much right now, and I'm not sure that it's worth maintaining a relationship when he keeps thumping me with his superiority and his Bible.
Amy says: Your brother has answered this for you: You can continue to love him, while not condoning his lifestyle.
I gather that the majority of these connections happen over Facebook. The day you disengage from him, your blood pressure will return to normal. Look into how to hide, unfollow and block before actually "unfriending" him. You can start by exploring the "snooze" function.
Don't call her Nanny
Dear Amy: I have a dozen grandchildren. Since the first was born 14 years ago, all my grandkids have called me "Gee." I chose it because it's easy, and because it doesn't confuse me with other grandparents and great-grandparents, many of whom are still alive.
One of my daughters lives overseas. She has two children (ages 2 and 4). Their European grandmother is local and sees the children all the time.
Lately, via Zoom, my daughter has been referring to me as "Nanny-Gee," a mash-up of both grandmother names. But that's not my name.
If this was an issue with my other children, I'd address it calmly and directly. This particular daughter is provocative, argues unnecessarily and institutes estrangement fairly frequently.
I'm working very hard to maintain a long-distance relationship with these kids. I'd like to be called by my name. Can you help me figure this out?
Amy says: Your name is not "Gee." That's the assigned endearment your American grandchildren use. Your European grandchildren are being prompted to refer to you by that name, with the prefix of "Nanny," which translates to grandmother.
Given that you mainly know these very young children via video, I can see why your daughter prompts them in this way. She is making sure they realize that you are their grandmother, just like the grandmother they see in real life.
It is clear that you have a problematic history with this daughter, but my advice is that you should not create or inflate a problem where there shouldn't be one.
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