Dear Amy: My wife's best friend recently went through a period where she was unhappy in her marriage.
She began sexting with male partners and then sharing some of the pictures she had received with my wife.
I know about this because my wife asked me to fix the Wi-Fi on her phone. While I was working on it, her friend texted one of these photos.
Alarmed and a little shocked, I opened the text message string and found myself in a world of hurt.
My wife was not only giving her friend permission to send these pictures, but she was comparing my physique unfavorably to these men.
When I confronted my wife, her first reaction was to change her phone pass code.
She has since apologized, but I can't shake the feeling that she finds me unattractive, and whenever her friend is around, I feel very embarrassed and ashamed knowing that my body was described unfavorably to her in such detail. What should I do?
Amy says: Your wife has embarrassed, disrespected, and disappointed you, and you are left wondering what YOU should do about it.
Your wife is the one who needs to behave differently.
When a partner gets caught behaving badly, their instinct is often to very quickly attempt to sweep the problem away. A typical reaction is to issue a swift apology, insist that you "move on," and then refuse or avoid discussing the problem further.
Do not suffer silently. Describe how her behavior makes you feel, using "I" statements: "I'm embarrassed. I feel unloved. I really need to talk about this."
You deserve an apology. A real one. One where your wife demonstrates that she understands the impact of her rudeness.
If you cannot successfully navigate this with her, you should make an appointment with a couples' counselor. If she dismisses the need, you should go on your own.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org.