Dear Amy: My 21-year-old daughter (a college senior) met her boyfriend two weeks into her freshman year (he's 23).
He asked to come live with us after his graduation. There are far more job opportunities where we live than in his hometown or their college town. We agreed and support him in every way. He works a minimum wage part-time job and is taking online graduate courses. He is not looking for real career employment. She is back at school.
I just learned that my daughter and he agreed that she will be the breadwinner. He's waiting to hear what medical school she gets into so he can go with her.
Her student loans will cover their living expenses.
He uses phrases like, "Free food is the best food," and includes his toiletries on my shopping list.
I've begged my daughter to see that he's using us for his free ride. I'm sick to my stomach watching her be used!
If I kick him out or charge him rent, he'll just go live with her in the dorm room (that we pay for). I just want to save her from a lifetime of providing for a deadbeat, as his sugar mama.
Amy says: You seem to blame your daughter for your own behavior.
YOU are helping this man be a deadbeat. YOU are his sugar mama. If this man is working, you should not be purchasing his toiletries.
You lack the fortitude to do anything about this (except complain), and yet you expect your daughter to behave differently.
You are teaching your daughter that it's OK to enable behavior that goes against your own values.
You've been extremely generous. The sooner he transitions from your home to hers, the sooner your daughter will face the actual consequences of his entitlement, instead of just hearing you complain about it.
If she chooses to be the breadwinner, then it is her life. Wish them luck and let this go.
Workers say mask up
Dear Amy: I am a retail worker. I am also severely asthmatic.
As you can imagine, COVID has made this time intensely difficult for me.
Last weekend at work, several hours into my shift, I looked around and the amount of people not wearing a mask, despite it being a state mandate, was appalling. I ended my shift in a panic attack.
I felt so much anger and resentment that my co-workers and I bust our backs day in and day out, pushing product to the floor, sanitizing our areas, working overtime, pushing ourselves as far as we can, with so many of us being at high risk for COVID.
Customers call us heroes and know that the world wouldn't run without our hard work, yet despite everything we do for them, they can't be bothered to wear a mask.
Our health and safety doesn't matter, as long as we continue to serve them.
When did the world become so entitled? What happened to caring for other humans?
I beg of my fellow readers to please remember we are people, too, and we deserve your consideration and respect.
Amy says: I'm running your letter as a thank you to you and your fellow workers — and as a reminder of how important it is to respect the rules regarding mask wearing.
This crisis has brought out the best in many, and the worst in others. I'm so sorry that front-line workers like you experience the impact of such selfishness.
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