Ask Amy: Friend's callousness is hard to get past

Dear Amy: A few days after Christmas, a friend stopped by our house with her husband and her sister. Knowing that they were all vaccinated and boosted, we invited them in.

The next morning, I received a text that my friend had a high fever and that the other two had scratchy throats. Sure enough, those three and I tested positive for COVID-19 (she had contracted it from a family member on Christmas). My husband and I immediately quarantined.

I was most concerned about her because of underlying health issues. One afternoon, I checked in to see how she was feeling. That morning she'd had a temperature of 100.5, and her sister was feeling worse.

To my shock and disbelief, the sisters were just returning from getting manicures and pedicures. When I questioned this, she brushed it off saying, "Oh, it was fine. We wore masks, they wore masks."

I hung up feeling stunned that they could be so reckless and selfish that they would endanger others for something so vain. How do they know if the people who worked on them live with high-risk family members or children too young to receive the vaccination?

I have little desire to continue the friendship. However, we interact with a group online weekly, and I'm not sure I want to give that up. I realize that I should share my feelings with her, but I'm afraid that in my anger and disgust that I'd say something I'd regret.

I don't like feeling this way. What can I do?

Your friend was flouting common sense for any ill person (don't go out and about when you have a fever). This was common sense and common courtesy before the pandemic, and it is even more important now.

This lack of regard for the health and safety of service workers reveals selfishness.

You can now let your actions reveal who you are, by expressing your point of view to her, and by paying attention to her response.

Don't give up your online group because of this; if she is too uncomfortable, let her drop out.

Dear Amy: After being widowed, I have finally met a nice man. Unfortunately, he is a poor conversationalist.

I have told him that he should allow me to be a part of the conversation, but he just keeps talking. I am bored with this and often tune him out.

Do you think there is a way to get him to change? He is 76, and I don't want to spend any more time with him if he doesn't want to change. Help!

Amy says: Even though it comes off as a total self-focus, compulsive talking can be a sign of social anxiety, ADHD or another medical issue.

Most of us become more set in our ways as we age, but if this man is fascinated by you and committed to be in a relationship with you, he would do his darndest to alter his behavior in order to let you in.

You should be honest with him about the impact of his behavior on you. Ask him to see his GP and/or a mental health practitioner, and then you should probably keep looking for a partner who is also a good listener.