Ask Amy: Dress requirement irks wedding guest

Dear Amy: My husband's sister is getting married in a year.

I am not in the wedding, so I assumed that as a wedding guest I would be able to pick out my own dress. However, I was recently told by my mother-in-law (her mother) that the bride also wanted me and the other two sisters-in-law to wear the same color and style of dress as "the mothers."

I've never heard of a bride requiring people that weren't in the wedding to buy a specific color and style of dress.

I have seven weddings to attend next year so I was going to buy a couple of new dresses for the year and re-wear them since different groups of people will be at different weddings.

This now requires me to buy a specific type of dress I would not otherwise buy. This comes off as controlling and has not made me feel great because the way I was informed was strange (my mother-in-law mentioned it to me multiple times over the course of one day).

Is this an unusual ask?

Amy says: Keep in mind that anyone can ask anything.

I've researched this issue on various well-known wedding sites, and I am sorry to report that brides are being coached on their "right" to make this sort of demand. On one site, women are told that having a "monochromatic wedding" is justified because "your wedding should be your own vision." The article adds: "Pro tip: It'll pay off in spades with gorgeous wedding photos and just a generally stylish, elegant and curated vibe."

That's their advice, but you asked for mine. The first thing you should do is to personally ask the bride to explain this request. What exactly is she asking, and why?

The second thing you should do is to say no. You can do that by promising to dress appropriately but sit in the back of the venue — or skip the photos (if that's the bride's focus).

If you say no, countless wedding guests will want to hoist you onto their shoulders and parade you through the reception hall.

Dear Amy: During the holidays, my husband and I met a new neighbor at a holiday party. We exchanged information and decided we'd get together for lunch in the near future.

My husband thinks this is rude. I think it's weird. What are your thoughts?

Amy says: How rude or weird this is might depend on where you're from. In some cultures and communities, BYOB is considered the norm.

This host might have put you more at ease if she had worded the request a little differently — for instance, something like: "I don't serve alcohol at home, but you're more than welcome to bring your own. I'll have seltzer and iced tea on hand."

As it is, you're left to wonder what exactly the motivation is to be invited for "cocktails and snacks" when it is really just snacks. As you get to know this neighbor, her attitude toward entertaining will be revealed.