Dear Amy: This summer I had a falling out with my oldest friend.
She did me a large favor and eventually felt overextended.
I thanked her for her help, both in writing and through my actions, but I dropped the ball on returning her things on the deadline we agreed to.
She got upset and said some hurtful things and repeated these things many times.
I thanked her again, made a sincere apology, and asked for some space.
I was deeply hurt by her comments, which attacked my character, and I felt betrayed.
It has now been a few months since we've communicated. Before our falling out, she sent out wedding invitations for next summer, and I have yet to RSVP.
I'm worried that it's rude to delay my RSVP, but I'm afraid to reach out when she was so angry and hurtful.
If she never apologizes for her comments, I don't think I'd want to attend her wedding, but I don't want to throw away our friendship over one fight. What's the polite thing to do?
Amy says: Given that this wedding is still several months away, you are probably still in the polite RSVP window.
But it seems that this wedding invitation, and your concern about politely responding, is a red herring.
Yes, apologies are due all around. After your dust-up, you asked for space — and you have received it.
Have you reflected on your own behavior? Have your apologies been specific, sincere and humble? Do you need to make amends for your own actions?
If you would like to attend this wedding, you could contact your friend to say, "I'd like to start the new year out on a better footing with you and try to repair the damage to our friendship. I would like to attend your wedding, but I'll leave it up to you to let me know if you'd still like for me to be there."
If you don't want to try to repair this friendship and don't want to attend the wedding, send your RSVP along with a note saying, "I'm sorry I won't be able to attend your wedding celebration, but I truly hope you have a beautiful day."
A plea for a pet
Dear Amy: I am an 11-year-old boy. I have a younger sister. We're at home and home schooling because of the pandemic.
I really want to get a dog. Like really, really.
My parents are not in favor of this, but I don't feel like their reasons are very good.
Can you help me talk them into it?
Amy says: I recently got my first dog, and on the one hand — wow — I can definitely recommend having a dog in the household! They are furry, fun, and such good pals.
On the other hand, dogs are expensive. Your local shelter will charge a fee for a rescue pup, and then you need to make sure they have all their shots, not to mention food, treats and toys.
Dogs are also a lot of work. They need to be safely walked several times a day. They require and deserve a lot of human attention.
Your folks might be overwhelmed right now, with their own work and home schooling for you and your sister. Who would take care of the dog once you go back to school and your folks go back to work? They are probably wondering about that.
There are other pets that are much less expensive and easier to care for: hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, lizards (and cats!). Would your parents compromise?
Use these next few months to do some research about dogs. See if there are chores you can do (dog walking for a neighbor, perhaps?) to earn extra money.
Once they see your long-term commitment to get a dog, your folks might come around.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org.